It's OVER!!

Christmas is finally over!!! We had a really good time, though. We got to spend Christmas Eve at home, so Greg got to see Alyssa get her Santa stuff....that's the first time that's happened. Then we went to Mississippi on Christmas day and spend a day or two with my grandparents. We just got in today. I think the best gift I got was my iPod. Greg got it for me. If I could just figure out how to use it, I'd be set. I've managed to import a few of my CDs to it and I got a car adapter, so that's awesome. Alyssa got the Dora Talking Kitchen she had been wanting. She really racked up! My car was crammed full of toys on the way home today! All in all, it was a pretty good holiday...not nearly as bad as I had anticipated.

Back....

I've just gotten back from visiting my sister in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. I had a very good time and wasn't all that crazy about coming home to my "routine". I mean, I missed home and all, but being away from it all was SO much fun! I hope she'll invite me back sometime.

I've almost gotten all of my Christmas shopping done. I have to get another thing or two for Greg and then we have to get the rest of Alyssa's and it'll all be done. I went today and got myself a present. I needed a new hair straightener badly, so I went to Sally's and got one. It's MUCH better than the one I had!

I will be SO glad when Christmas is over and things get back to normal. I'm about tired of this! I can't take much more of other people's happiness.

Boring Day

I wish I could say I had something to say, but I can't. I didn't do anything remotely entertaining. I went to the bank, then to the post office. Then I baked some gingerbread cookies. Of course, then I had to make a trip to Wal-Mart, because no day is complete without a walk into hell! Now, I'm sitting here, watching "Mary Poppins" and thinking about my future.

My stomach hurts. I hope I'm not getting sick. I'm supposed to go to my sister's in Hattiesburg this week. I haven't seen her in almost a year, so I'm really looking forward to it. Besides, it will be the first trip I've ever taken without Alyssa! I love my daughter dearly, but I'm excited about having "me" time again!

Bah Freakin' Humbug

I'm not a fan of Christmas. I think I've said that before. But, I really don't like it. There are 16 days left and I haven't even started shopping! I take that back...I have gotten some of Alyssa's stocking stuffers. I managed that. All my grandparents want is an answering machine, so that'll be easy. My sister wants some Mary Kay brushes, and I already have those, so that's one that I won't have to shop for.

Speaking of my sister, I'm hoping I get to go visit her next week. I've never been to her place before. I've never even been to Hattiesburg before, so it should be big fun! She said we could go do some karaoke, which will be a blast! I love karaoke! I wanted a karaoke machine for Christmas, but I need a hair straightener, so I suppose I'll ask for THAT instead! I intend to leave Alyssa here with her daddy if I get to go, though. I love her more than life, but Mommy needs a break!! I'll miss her, but the vacation is well deserved, in my opinion! Just have to hope that neither of us get sick, cause I can't go if we're sick.

I'm Never Alone

So why do I feel so empty? I have people in my life, whether I like it or not (and sometimes I don't), yet, I've never felt more alone. I absolutely hate this dark hole I'm in. I want to be able to enjoy my life. I want to wake up and feel like I have something to live for. There's something missing in my life and I need to take the steps to figure out what it is. The holidays are approaching and I want to feel all the happiness that other people feel this time of year. I want to be excited and have the child in me brought out by pretty decorations and festive music. Instead, I just dread all the hostilities that the holidays bring out. I hate not being able to give my daughter the kind of Christmases she deserves to have. She deserves to have traditions and family and happiness...and she gets none of that. I get her gifts, but we don't even get to do "Santa" the way I want to. How did I manage to get my life into such a mess??

What I Need.....

...is to feel important. I need someone to care. I've finally come up with a possible plan for my life and no one seems to give a rat's ass. So, here I am....sharing it on my blog. I want to be a high school English teacher. Sounds strange, for those of you who know me. I think I want to be in the education field, so that my daughter and I can have the same holidays and I won't have to give up so much of my time with her. She drives me nuts, but I love her more than life. I know I can't do elementary education, because I don't really like kids (aside from MINE) and the first time someone else's kid pukes on my shoes, all bets are off! So, I need to look into financial aid and admissions crap so I can, MAYBE get started this summer. It would be so great for my life to feel like it has meaning...particularly if I'm doing it MYSELF! I need to feel like I matter.

I have a headache

And it hurts. It's mostly just pressure, I think. Sinuses suck.

So, I'm sitting here, watching Ron White, wondering when my daughter will be waking up, and hoping that my husband has just been hung over and doesn't have a virus or something contagious like that. I don't do puke. So, I've scrubbed everything and Cloroxed and Lysoled (if those are words), so, hopefully, if he IS "catchin'", we won't get it!

Anyway, I'm going to be going to bed shortly. Nothing better to do.

Meltdown....

Meltdown....
Current mood: blah
Category: Life


I hate holidays. I shouldn't feel that way. I have a daughter....that should make my holidays great, and it does, to a point. I feel like I have a reason to put up a tree and a reason to shop for toys and a reason to bake cookies, etc. I guess I'm just feeling a little melancholy because I put up my tree today. I put my father's favorite airplane ornament on and some of the little ballerinas and soldiers that my mother made and it just made me miss them more than I do on a regular day. I've said this before and I'll say it a million more times before I die....it is NOT fair that I can't spend Christmas with my mom and dad! Believe it or not, I try NOT to dwell on that...I really do, but it just makes me sad to think that my parents hung those ornaments on THEIR tree every year and now the only thing left are the ornaments and the memories. And, one day, that's all that will be left of me.

However, aside from that, I got my tree up. I got it decorated. I got the stockings hung and I got the Christmas countdown thingys put up. Now, tomorrow, I will work on wreaths and candles and crap. I'm just tired now and sick of doing Christmas junk!!

The Stockings Will Be Stuffed

I went shopping tonight and began my "stocking stuffers". I'm still not QUITE finished, but I made a great start! I want this Christmas to be great for my little girl, because her birthday wasn't so fabulous. Next year, mark my words, will be the BEST birthday and Christmas of, what will be, her five years...because Mommy is going to start early and have all kinda of things bought for her before this time! I say that every year, but I'm really going to commit myself to it! My Christmases as a child were wonderful and I want my daughter to experience the same thing. I don't think it's too much to strive for.

Improvement

I'm feeling a little better today. I was able to sleep most of the night, which was good. Granted, I was sleeping while sitting up, but sleep is sleep, right? My throat still hurts, but most of that "gaggy" feeling is gone, which I'm a huge fan of!

My friend, Lydia, stopped by today on her way back to Shreveport. It was good to see her again. Other than that, nothing has really happened today. I did a little more of my laundry. I still have two loads I'll have to do tomorrow, but hey, I'll need something to do then, too.

Blah....

I'm sick. I feel like death. I have no symptoms that anyone else could tell. No fever or anything like that, but I just feel very tired and I feel like there's something stuck in my throat, threatening to gag me at any point. It makes me irritable and the fact that the cat won't quit climbing on me doesn't help. I just want to go back to bed!!