ss_blog_claim=cd46ef178142ba5c793d6628c487d5ef The Stuff I Think

Friday, August 04, 2017

It's been a LOOOOOOONG Time.....

....three years, it seems.  So many thing have happened, so many relationships lost and so many discovered or rediscovered.  I won't go into all of that here, just suffice it to say that I'm okay.  It's been a long, difficult journey, but I'm okay.  I'm not sure what I intend to use this blog for at this stage in my life, but I do have every intention of revamping and keeping up with it to the best of my ability.  I would like to see it become something I can be proud of in years to come, but since my standards for myself are ever-changing, I can't make any guarantees on that.  For now, I will just brainstorm and try to come up with some way to make this as interesting and attractive as possible without offending TOO many people (and knowing my penchant for honesty, this will be quite the feat).  Stay tuned......

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Tuesday Ponderings

1. State your name: Rebecca
2. State the name that your parents almost named you: Veronica
3. Which of your relatives do you get along with the most? my daughter
4. What was your first job? I was an office assistant at the power company
6. Did anything embarassing happen this week? Not that I recall....
7. Do you miss your ex? Not sure...haven't shot yet....haha!!
8. Do people praise you for your looks? Not much
9. What is your favorite color of clothing to wear? I don't really have a favorite
10. How do you wear your makeup? Um...very carefully???
11. What are some of your nicknames? Beck....Becka....Mommy....
12. How many bedrooms are in your house? 2
13. How many bathrooms? 1
14. Do you have a job? Motherhood is a full time job and I don't care what anyone else says!!
15. Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories?  I don't, so horror stories...
16. Do you work out every week? Um....
17. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Yep
18. Have you ever kissed someone you never saw again?  Hmm...probably....
19. Have you ever sang in front of a crowd?  Sure...used to live for it!
20. What kind of bathing suit do you wear?  I try not to....
21. Do you like your eyes? I suppose
22. Do you think you are pretty?  That depends on what day you ask....
23. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Lisa
24. How far can you throw a baseball?  From my hand to the spot it lands
25. Are you single?  I'm not
26. Do you want kids?  Most of the time....but I have her ALL the time, so I should get used to it!  :)
27. What eye color do you find sexiest? No particular color
28. What celebrity do you think is hot? Oh wow...Shemar Moore....Bradley Cooper....Matthew Gray Gubler...etc...
29. Last movie you saw in theatre: HA!  Michael Jackson: This Is It (yeah, it's been a minute)
30. Are you dating the same person you dated last year?  I'm not dating anyone....I'm married
31. Has someone you were dating ever cheated on you?  Probably, but I never could prove it...
32. Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? Sure
33: Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?  Yep
34: What do you like to do in your spare time?  Depends on my mood
35: Do you have a facebook?Yep
36: What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you?  My daughter does cute things for me all the time
37: Who was the last person you texted? Tori
38: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have?  Not that many
39: How do you look right now?  Like nine shades of shit
40: Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? My daughter and my husband

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Questioning It All

If there is a God in Heaven, He is sure as hell bound and determined to stay hidden from me.  I've gone through my entire life, all the loves and losses that define who I am, thinking all the while that it was part of some "master plan"...that I was somehow destined for wonderful things.  Now, at age 33, I am no closer to counting for anything than I was when I was 10....possibly less now, actually, because at least when I was 10 I had potential.  Meanwhile, I've prayed and prayed and prayed for God to make my life okay....not perfect....just everybody else's...and I can't even get that.  So either God is some huge joke someone made up to prove that humans are gullible, or He does exist and just doesn't give a damn about me...I'm honestly not sure which truth I prefer...

Friday, December 14, 2012

In Shock

So today, in a Connecticut town, 20 children woke up this morning, got dressed and went to school.  Their parents sent them off, confident that they'd have a great Friday and would see them when school got out.  At some point, a nutjob with a gun changed that plan.  He walked in to an elementary school, shot, and killed 20 children of various ages and 6 adults.  The children who survived will have to live with the horror of seeing their peers gunned down for no reason.  I am left to wonder, what can we do? People have turned this onto a political issue, some calling for tighter gun control and some defending the 2nd amendment rights they hold dear.  I honestly don't know what side I'm on, and it doesn't matter.  Tonight, I'm focusing my prayers on the families of the children who likely have gifts under the Christmas trees at their homes that will go unopened.  I will pray for the surviving children who will likely have their dreams interrupted by vicious nightmares that their heartbroken parents can't make go away. I will pray that, one day, we will be able to send our kids to school without having to fear that they'll never come home.  My hearts go out to all the people affected by this senseless tragedy.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mothers Day

Ordinarily I'm all about dissing Mothers Day.  It isn't because I'm ungrateful for the mother that I have or the child who made me a mother....I'm just eternally bitter because, on this day when everyone celebrates the woman who gave them life, I can't thank my own.  Most people are well aware that I lost my mother on January 5, 1990, when I was only 10 and she was just 32.  Cancer is an evil b****!  It angers me that the God who loves me would rob me of the one person who was my biggest fan.  On the other hand, 12 years later, He gave me the very reason I exist in the form of Alyssa Frances.  The joy that I felt, and continue to feel, because of her is often dampened by the fact that I can't share my experiences and maternal breakthroughs with the woman who felt the same way about me.  I would give anything to be able to thank my mom for loving me unconditionally...for being there for my dance recitals and school parties...for throwing THE best birthday parties that the 80s ever saw....for taking care of me when I was sick...for helping me with my homework...for giving me the foundation to become the kind of mother I am today.  Am I a perfect mom?  No, absolutely not.  And, I'm sure she didn't feel she was either.  But I think she was.  I think she did the best she knew how to do and then some and that's all I could ask for.  I don't know what my feelings are regarding Heaven and the afterlife, but I'd like to believe that, one day, I'll be able to look her in the eyes and let her know that it took having one of my own, but I FINALLY understand! 

Monday, April 30, 2012

Heaven Help Me

Why do days go by so much faster the older we get?  I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that, the older you get, the worse you feel and the more often you pray for the sweet release of death??  Or maybe you don't WANT to die, so the swiftness in which the years pass are just a cruel joke being played by the "powers that be"?  Either way, my dang birthday is coming up and I am not overly enthused about it!  I have very little appreciation for increasing numbers, unless they're in my bank account!  Sadly, that's the one that doesn't seem to be creeping up at an exponential rate!  My age, yes....the scale, yes...the number of gray hairs on my head, yes....ugh!!  I'm usually torn because, anyone who knows me or pretends to pay attention, knows that my biggest two fears are getting old and NOT getting old.  My own mother died at 32, leaving two young daughters behind.  The last thing I want to do is leave my daughter before she's old enough to fend for herself. 

It's really not the numbers that bother me so much.  I just know that at some point, the numbers I have behind will be greater than the average of numbers I could possibly have left.  I can only imagine how depressing that is.  And, then there's all the awesome things that happened when my "numbers" were lower that I can never go back and relive.  I feel like I've wasted a lot of my time on this planet and, holy crap, I just found the root of my problem!!  So, backing up, I don't think I'd be so antsy about my upcoming birthday if I felt like I had accomplished ANYTHING with the number of years I've had so far....hmmmm...I suppose only I can do anything about I'm rambling....

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Thursday Thirteen

I realize that Thursday is almost over, but I wanted to get this in. Tonight I'm gonna share a little info into my mind by making a list of...

Thirteen Things That Terrify Me

1. Getting old--mostly the health problems that go along with it. And I worry that clinical depression will set in once I realize that, logically speaking, I have more years behind than I have ahead.

2. NOT getting old--I contradict myself again, because, while I fear getting old, the idea of dying young is even more frightening! I have a lot to live for and it would be a shame to have that taken! :)

3. Vomit--as inane as I realize this fear is, it's very valid (there's even a word for it...emetophobia, in case you wondered). It can actually be a crippling fear and it once caused me to live on Cheez-Its, oatmeal and water for 5 years!

4. Giant cockroaches--I live in the south where these giant aggravations thrive....ugh!! I can't even think about it anymore!!

5. Mice/rats--'nuff said, in my opinion!

6. Big dogs--particularly ones that are barking, growling and snapping at me knowing they could swallow me whole!

7. Deep water--If I can't comfortably stand up in it, it's too damn deep for me!!

8. Snakes--and why not??

9. Spiders--I've gotten better about this one but those are some creepy looking little bastards!!

10. Wasps/Bees--getting stung HURTS!!!

11. Heights--This includes, but is not limited to, driving over bridges and flying, although I'm sure any fear of flying would be better described as a fear of crashing...

12. The dark--more specifically. what might be in the room with me that I can't see.

13. Things I Can't Control--I wouldn't necessarily call myself a control freak, but there is a certain comfort I take in holding my own reigns....