tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377605332024-03-07T08:15:41.031-06:00The Stuff I ThinkRebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.comBlogger193125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-51868371070449435332021-06-20T11:03:00.000-05:002021-06-20T11:03:00.218-05:00Father's Day Musings<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is officially "Father's Day" and I have thoughts.....I am going to get those thoughts out for my own therapeutic purposes, so if you don't care, don't read it...</span></p><div data-block="true" data-editor="c5ho8" data-offset-key="63e8d-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="63e8d-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="63e8d-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br data-text="true" /></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="c5ho8" data-offset-key="9nj56-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="9nj56-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="9nj56-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I miss having my daddy. The sad reality of that is, I don't even know for sure if I miss HIM or just miss having my daddy. Because so much of my youth is a blur at this point and I really don't remember my daddy or my mother as well as I wish I did, but I certainly know that I wish I had them. I wish I could wake up every day knowing that I was somebody's "Number One". I know the intense love I have for my own daughter and I wish there was somebody out there who loved ME like that, or that I could even remember a time when someone did. I wish I could remember ANY history about who I am or where I came from. But, the fact is, I can't. I, at age 42, have almost NO concept of unconditional love and only understand it as being something that I've spent my entire adult life searching for and can't seem to find. To that end, I am unfulfilled. I'm guilty of jealousy and bitterness because, while I have accepted the fact that I don't have "true" love in my life, I'm never going to like it. Yes, I know that there are people who "love" me.....and, for that, I am incredibly grateful....but you know the kind of love I'm talking about. The kind of love where they would drop anything and everything to be where you are if you needed them. The kind of love where they do the "little things" for you just because they want to make your day better....the kind of love where you're thought of on a daily basis and they let you know it.....the kind of love that you just HAVE as a birthright and don't have to fight tooth and nail for. The kind of love that I have for my daughter where I AM her biggest fan and NOTHING she could ever do will change that. The kind of love that I watch other people take for granted. </span></div><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="9nj56-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="9nj56-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="9nj56-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="9nj56-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">But I'll never find it. I will spend the remainder of my life reaching towards an impossible goal and knowing that, no matter what relationship I'm in, one misstep will screw it up. The best I can ever hope for is a partner who cares and tries to understand (or at least fakes it) and who will step up and be "my person" and love me when I hurt, making me feel safe and secure in our situation. I've almost given up on that, as well. </span></div><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="9nj56-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="9nj56-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="9nj56-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;"><br /></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="c5ho8" data-offset-key="dpab7-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="dpab7-0-0" style="direction: ltr; font-family: inherit; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="dpab7-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;"><br data-text="true" /></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="c5ho8" data-offset-key="5kik5-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: "Segoe UI Historic", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"></div>Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-82856745443252774872018-07-31T11:32:00.001-05:002019-05-10T11:15:04.861-05:00Happy Birthday, Curley!!**I found this in my drafts today.....I wrote it on my Daddy's 57th birthday, which was June 15, 2009....so it's pretty old, and I'm not sure why I never posted it, but, for the most part, it's still relevant**<br />
<br />
<br />
Most anyone who reads this knows me well enough to know that I was a "Daddy's Girl" and that my daddy was abruptly taken away from me on November 4, 1995, when I was only 16 years old. But, what you may or may not know is that today would have been his 57th birthday. It's hard to imagine my father knocking on 60's door, but I really wish I could. I wish I could have Alyssa bake him a special "Happy Birthday Grandpa" cake and have her to sing to him before she gave him the Harley t-shirt she picked out all by herself, because anyone who knew my dad knows that that would be EXACTLY what he wanted!! But, life had other plans for me and my daughter. We won't get to wish him the typical "Happy Birthday", because, where he is, he'll never get any older. Regardless of how many times we pass June 15, Curley will always be 43 years old. <br />
<br />
A little background--my parents met in 1975 and got married June 4, 1977. Since my mother passed away when I was 10, I don't remember much about their relationship, firsthand, but I do know the mess my father was after she was gone. He managed to pull it together to the point that his children didn't readily recognize his pain, but now that I'm an adult and can think back and analyze things in a way I was incapable of as a child, I can see that he never fully got over her. It was the kind of love that people search for. Another thing that anyone who knew my daddy could tell you is that, no matter where life took him after her death, he was never the same person and he always longed for her. <br />
<br />
I always seem to dwell on what I'm missing by not having him in my life any longer. It's never dawned on me, until right now, that it's not all about me. Granted, my father didn't take his own life--he wouldn't have done that--and I know he didn't WANT to die. He loved me and he loved my sister with a fierceness that I only hope I can mirror for my own daughter. I'm grateful to have been loved like that when there are so many uncaring fathers out there. So, am I being selfish to wish he were here? Shouldn't I be happy that he was reunited with my mother and has been living in a better place for the past 13 1/2 years? <br />
<br />
I often say (on those silly surveys and what-have-you) that if I could bring anyone back from the dead, it would be my father...but would that be fair to him? Would he want to be resurrected into this life where he can return to feeling the pain of my mother's loss? I highly doubt it. It's not that the love of his two daughters and granddaughter wouldn't be enough--I believe it would be. But, we're old enough now to take care of ourselves and likely wouldn't need him as much as we had, anyway. So, he would, once again, be lost and racked with grief. I'm not 100% sure I'd do that to him, even if I could...but, since I can't, it's a moot point anyway, right?<br />
<br />
There are a million things that I wish I could say to him and a million things I wish he had been here to see. I'm still brought to tears whenever it hits me that I'll never see him on this earth again. I'll never hear the sound of his Harley pulling up in the driveway. I'll never hear him fuss at me because my room is a wreck. I'll never hear him joke about how I'm "not allowed to date until I'm married". We'll never go out to eat Mexican food again and he'll never go with me to shop for new clothes. He never got to teach me how to change the oil in my car or change a flat tire. Those were things on his "to-do" list that he left behind. <br />
<br />
I have very little more than pictures to remind me of him. I can't remember his voice anymore or the way he smelled after he'd been out in his shop, working on his Harley. I remember <a href="https://youtu.be/GONmFCkCGCc">his favorite songs</a> and I remember amusing anecdotes, but I can't remember what he sounded like when he laughed at them. I remember how, even when I was a teenager, he would hold my hand as we walked into a store or wherever and say that they "still fit". I didn't really get it until I had my own daughter to hold hands with. I think if I'd known he was going to leave me, I would have taken pictures of his hands, so at least I could remember them. I bet they'd "still fit". <br />
<br />
My father was truly my best friend and I think about him every day. I miss him every day that I breathe and, as long as I live, no matter where I am or who comes in and goes, he will ALWAYS be the most important man I've ever had in my life. <br />
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<a href="http://s2.photobucket.com/albums/y30/rdwilliamson/Miscellaneous%20Pics/?action=view&current=DaddyonDelilah.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Daddy on Delilah" border="0" src="https://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y30/rdwilliamson/Miscellaneous%20Pics/DaddyonDelilah.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
I love you, Daddy...I hope you have a Happy Birthday...say Hi to Mama for me! :)Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-57696384576349961682018-07-31T11:31:00.001-05:002019-05-10T11:17:20.889-05:004am Musings<div dir="ltr">
Yes, I was, once again, up at 4:00 this morning. For some reason, when the house gets quiet is when my thoughts come up to haunt me. This morning was no exception. So, as a means to release my tension, I broke out a pen. Here's what I came up with:</div>
<div dir="ltr">
There's a place where dreams end and reality begins. If you're lucky, the two are so similar that you hardly notice the transition. However, if you're me, the jolt of crossing between real and make believe is anything but subtle. </div>
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In my dreams, everything is as it should be. I'm not hungry or sad or sick or depressed. In my dreams, there are plenty of people in my life that I can count on and no one would ever lie to me or take advantage of me.</div>
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But, the reality is harshly different. Here, no one cares. I struggle for every blessing I receive and constantly look over my shoulder while trying to decipher between fact and fiction.</div>
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When I dream, I close my eyes and everything is as it seems. There are no false pretenses and everyone I come in contact with is genuine. No one hurts me in my dreams. </div>
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However, in my real world, the opposite is true. The stories are ever changing. First it is, then it isn't. First they have it, then they don't. First they're there for you, then they aren't. You have no idea how I tire of all the variances.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
My longing is for my fantasies and my realities to somehow collide. I want to keep what's mine and never have to second guess what I hear. I'm ready for the truth to overcome the lies and to get back what was unjustly taken from me. I'm ready to stop being someone's victim and release my inner bitch! No one wrongs me in my dreams and I'm ready for it to cease in my reality as well.</div>
<div dir="ltr">
I will no longer be your victim! I will stand up for MY rights as well as the right of my daughter, who is the one person who remains constant, regardless of my level of lucidity. She has never let me down and I will not further disappoint her!</div>
Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-12691790549838849642018-07-31T11:25:00.001-05:002019-05-10T11:19:07.913-05:00Don't Hate Me Because....oh, wait....You Can....It's Cool.....I am a horrible person....I'm horrible, I know it, and I don't really care. I mean, I CARE, but there's nothing I can do about it (not that I've found, anyway), so what would be the point of caring???? I realize that made no sense, but I'm getting to a point. I have realized, in my old age, that I'm growing intolerant.<br />
<br />
There are just certain types of people I can't tolerate: <br />
<br />
1. Entitled people--These are the people who think that the world, their parents, their siblings, the government, random strangers, etc, ALL owe them some debt of gratitude JUST for being born. These will be your people who sit at home all day, drawing welfare checks, food stamps, medicaid, etc with no intention of getting a job and justify it with "my dad (mom) paid into it, so I'm just getting what they put in". And, that, my dear, would be WRONG!! Dad (or mom) paid in, so YOU should get off your sweet ass and get a J-O-B (oh, the <i>horror</i>!) and let dad (or mom) reap the benefits of their hard earned tax dollars....but, they likely won't, because they're decent people...too bad THAT apple didn't fall closer!<br />
<br />
2. Self-righteous people--These will be the ones who are forever pointing out YOUR faults while seemingly overlooking any of their own....also known as hypocrites. They think "I don't want you in my life because you did (insert cardinal sin here) and I would NEVER do a thing like that, so you suck and I'm perfect". If you want to spot one of these, ask around for people who have ousted family members with little to no "just" cause, other than "you hurt my feelings when I was 12 and you were 16 and 22 years just isn't long enough for me to get over it!"<br />
<br />
3. Blamers--The mantra here is "it ain't my fault". "Did my life turn out worse than someone else's? Well, it's not because of MY choices, it's just because they were 'lucky' and I wasn't." Always an excuse....always someone (or something) else to blame to defer responsibility and avoid having to own up to the consequence of an action. These will be the same ones with kids who are seven shades of screwed up, who, rather than saying, "I might could have taught them values or been around for them more", will say "well, I didn't have the money when they were growing up that other people had" or "if he'd had TWO parents instead of a broken home, he might have turned out better"....well, folks, "luck" didn't make Bill Clinton, son of a single mom (once widowed, once divorced from a man who was a gambling drunk), into our 42nd President. "Luck" also had little to do with Oprah Winfrey, who was born into poverty in backwoods Mississippi, EARNING a scholarship to college (even after getting pregnant at 14) and becoming one of the most successful women ever. Billy Bob Thornton, Jay-Z, Walt Disney, and, the list goes on, really....for every excuse someone can come up with for their failures, there is at least ONE person who was strong enough to rise above that same circumstance (and usually worse ones) and become a success story, rather than a statistic. If you fail at life, or if your kids fail at life, there's really no one to blame but the person who wasn't strong enough or dedicated enough or smart enough to change their stars. No one's path is predetermined and if you think it is, then you've already failed. If you accept your life as "it is what it is", then it'll never get better, but you can't blame anyone but yourself for settling for less. Suck it up and either own your mediocrity or work to change it!!<br />
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4. Braggers--On the opposite end of the spectrum, are the people whose parents DID have money and they feel that this makes them "better", somehow, than the person who didn't grow up affluent. Granted, there are certain opportunities that are afforded to people with more money....that's a given. But, that doesn't automatically mean that your life will turn out better or that you're superior to a person who has achieved the same level of success as you but actually had to WORK for it, rather than have it handed to them because of "daddy's influence". Decisions still have to be made and consequences (good or bad) still have to be faced, regardless of having money or not. <br />
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5. Closed-Minded People--Just because you have a way of doing things doesn't make it the "right" way and certainly not the "only" way. Just because you don't like something, doesn't mean that it's "crap" to the people who do. There's a reason for chocolate and vanilla and that reason is pretty easily comprehended (by someone of average intelligence, anyway)....it's VERY possible for two people to not like exactly the same things and neither person be "wrong"! What a remarkable concept!! I don't like rap music, but I'm not going to tell someone they're "weird" because they do. I don't understand Japanese anime, but this is my daughter's most recent obsession. It took a minute for me to come to terms, but I now can express to her that, if that's what she's into for the moment, more power to her. I will even watch an episode or two periodically, just so that I can get a feel for the tastes of my favorite human on the planet. I don't like watching TV much and I like corny westerns even less than that, but I have been known to sit through a few and not even complain (much). It's always a good idea to broaden your spectrum just a little. I like that I can tolerate just enough of other people's likes to where I can say I've experienced most things. And don't even get me started on social issues!!! I can't even begin to explain the exasperation I experience when a conservative blasts a liberal (and vice versa) over their opinion. The only thing that accomplishes is fueling anger and hatred and makes both sides look like a couple of closed-minded douchebags. My opinion is just that...and opinion....it's neither right or wrong (if it is, then it stops being opinion and starts being fact, which is a different topic, altogether). Everyone has the basic right to express any opinions but if they can't do so in a way that is constructive and respectful, then I will exercise my right to ignore the hell out of them. No need to fuel that fire! It won't change a mind. You have to be adult enough to respect a difference of opinion and accept that your way isn't the only way! Common sense, people!<br />
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We all have our faults and personality "quirks" and we can ALL be any one of those things in a moment. It's they stop being occasional lapses in good sense and start becoming "who you are" that it's a serious problem. Please don't let these toxic traits become you!!Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-65813710195982564012018-07-31T11:11:00.001-05:002021-06-20T11:05:33.931-05:00$35????I've been told, as recently as this morning, that I "have problems" and I'm "crazy"....and maybe I am. I don't think this "news" is as heartbreaking to me as is the fact that the people who so callously point this out to me don't bother to dig deep to try to understand. So, here it is: Yes, I'm cynical. Yes, I'm bitter. Yes, I'm angry and depressed and, yes, those things manifest into the negativity that comes out of my mouth, apparently pretty regularly. But, ask yourself WHY? WHY am I like I am? WHY am I "crazy"? I'll tell you. Because I'm hurting....every day. I hurt because of what I've lost and what I never had. I hurt because I don't understand. I can't make sense of how a God who loves me would pick such a horrific life for ME. What did I do that was so wrong? I know that many of you are, in your heads, giving me the whole "God loves you" and "everything happens for a reason" and "we aren't meant to understand" and "everybody has troubles" and all the things I've heard all my life, ad nauseam. I want to go on record as saying I KNOW those things. I'm not a selfish person and I already know that "others have it so much worse" than me. I KNOW that! Knowing that, however, doesn't tend to make me feel any better. There isn't a day that passes that I don't miss my precious Daddy and wish I could even remember my mother. I have, as a full grown adult, been on my knees, begging God to bring either one of them back to me for 5 minutes, even though I know full well that that isn't possible. I need them. I needed them at 10 and 16, when they were cruelly taken from me. I needed them at 18, when I graduated high school and needed a direction. I needed them at 22, when I found myself pregnant even though I knew better and struggled with various decisions as a consequence. I needed them at 25, when my depression finally gave way to a 5 year struggle with an eating disorder. I needed them at 29, when I was thrust into a web of lies, deceit and poverty and couldn't see a way out. I needed them at 35, when I finally got the courage to make a step towards a better life for myself and my daughter. And I need them today, at 38, so I won't be alone in this world.<br />
<br />
Let me tell you a story.<br />
<br />
Once upon a time, there was a 10 year old little girl. This little girl had a wonderful life with two loving parents and a little sister. There were dance lessons and birthday parties and pretty homemade dresses and big family Christmases and vacations every summer. After a few years, the little girl's mother wasn't feeling very well, so the little girl's grandfather urged her mother to go to the doctor to find out what the problem was. Mother balked at the idea, saying that it was going to cost her $35 to go and it just wasn't worth spending the money....it would pass. But, it didn't pass, so after awhile, she was forced to go to the doctor. But, by then it was too late. It was cancer and it had spread. Back in those days, medicine wasn't quite as advanced as it is today and not as much could be done. So, this little girl's super smart, insanely talented, loving, devoted mother was taken from the world after only 32 years. Not too many years later, her father was also taken suddenly, at only 43, leaving the girl, now a teenager, and her younger sister alone. Years passed, mistakes were made, ties were severed, and sisters no longer speak. The once "little" girl, now grown, has a daughter of her own who has no grandma, no grandpa, and no aunt. It's not the end of the world for them, and she knows that, but there's a certain sadness that looms over her for what "should have been".....and all might have been prevented for a measly $35 doctor visit.<br />
<br />
I said all that to say this: I don't want pity. I don't want anybody to EVER feel sorry for me. I just want people to understand! I'm not bitchy and difficult because it makes me happy to be that way. I don't want to bring others down or "drown" them. I want people to stop and think before they call someone "crazy" or tell them to "get over it" (they probably would have already done that if it were that easy). I want them to realize that, while they might think they would handle it differently, and maybe they would have, I am constantly suffering. I don't grieve every day and I don't dwell on my lost parents or anything else. But, there's just no way you can face so much so young and bear the brunt of it alone and come out undamaged. People need to have compassion and realize that everybody is affected by tragedy in different ways. Some come through relatively unscathed, others live with the pain every day and, still others don't know HOW to deal with the pain and will either choose to numb the pain with drugs and/or alcohol or some other "coping mechanism, or they will chose to end the pain altogether the only way they know how and end their own life. Who am I (or you) to judge someone for the way they hurt, even if they don't (didn't) handle it the same way as you or someone you know who went through the same situation? <br />
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My entire point is, be compassionate. At the very least, if you can't say something to uplift another human being, at least don't be the reason they fall further. Keep your mouth shut. It's that simple!Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-9362992213543676922017-08-04T10:39:00.000-05:002017-08-04T10:39:00.149-05:00It's been a LOOOOOOONG Time.........three years, it seems. So many thing have happened, so many relationships lost and so many discovered or rediscovered. I won't go into all of that here, just suffice it to say that I'm okay. It's been a long, difficult journey, but I'm okay. I'm not sure what I intend to use this blog for at this stage in my life, but I do have every intention of revamping and keeping up with it to the best of my ability. I would like to see it become something I can be proud of in years to come, but since my standards for myself are ever-changing, I can't make any guarantees on that. For now, I will just brainstorm and try to come up with some way to make this as interesting and attractive as possible without offending TOO many people (and knowing my penchant for honesty, this will be quite the feat). Stay tuned......Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-627027384985271532014-06-10T12:48:00.001-05:002014-06-10T12:48:48.445-05:00Tuesday Ponderings<p dir="ltr">1. State your name: Rebecca<br>
2. State the name that your parents almost named you: Veronica<br>
3. Which of your relatives do you get along with the most? my daughter<br>
4. What was your first job? I was an office assistant at the power company<br>
6. Did anything embarassing happen this week? Not that I recall....<br>
7. Do you miss your ex? Not sure...haven't shot yet....haha!!<br>
8. Do people praise you for your looks? Not much<br>
9. What is your favorite color of clothing to wear? I don't really have a favorite<br>
10. How do you wear your makeup? Um...very carefully???<br>
11. What are some of your nicknames? Beck....Becka....Mommy....<br>
12. How many bedrooms are in your house? 2<br>
13. How many bathrooms? 1<br>
14. Do you have a job? Motherhood is a full time job and I don't care what anyone else says!!<br>
15. Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories? I don't, so no...no horror stories...<br>
16. Do you work out every week? Um....<br>
17. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Yep<br>
18. Have you ever kissed someone you never saw again? Hmm...probably....<br>
19. Have you ever sang in front of a crowd? Sure...used to live for it!<br>
20. What kind of bathing suit do you wear? I try not to....<br>
21. Do you like your eyes? I suppose<br>
22. Do you think you are pretty? That depends on what day you ask....<br>
23. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Lisa<br>
24. How far can you throw a baseball? From my hand to the spot it lands<br>
25. Are you single? I'm not<br>
26. Do you want kids? Most of the time....but I have her ALL the time, so I should get used to it! :)<br>
27. What eye color do you find sexiest? No particular color<br>
28. What celebrity do you think is hot? Oh wow...Shemar Moore....Bradley Cooper....Matthew Gray Gubler...etc...<br>
29. Last movie you saw in theatre: HA! Michael Jackson: This Is It (yeah, it's been a minute)<br>
30. Are you dating the same person you dated last year? I'm not dating anyone....I'm married<br>
31. Has someone you were dating ever cheated on you? Probably, but I never could prove it...<br>
32. Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? Sure<br>
33: Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? Yep<br>
34: What do you like to do in your spare time? Depends on my mood<br>
35: Do you have a facebook?Yep<br>
36: What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you? My daughter does cute things for me all the time<br>
37: Who was the last person you texted? Tori<br>
38: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? Not that many<br>
39: How do you look right now? Like nine shades of shit<br>
40: Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? My daughter and my husband</p>
Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-13530797913897603132012-12-20T16:18:00.001-06:002019-05-10T11:25:12.643-05:00Questioning It AllIf there is a God in Heaven, He is sure as hell bound and determined to stay hidden from me. I've gone through my entire life, all the loves and losses that define who I am, thinking all the while that it was part of some "master plan"...that I was somehow destined for wonderful things. Now, at age 33, I am no closer to counting for anything than I was when I was 10....possibly less now, actually, because at least when I was 10 I had potential. Meanwhile, I've prayed and prayed and prayed for God to make my life okay....not perfect....just okay...like everybody else's...and I can't even get that. So either God is some huge joke someone made up to prove that humans are gullible, or He does exist and just doesn't give a damn about me...I'm honestly not sure which truth I prefer...Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-86301265718825354482012-12-14T23:11:00.001-06:002012-12-14T23:11:42.647-06:00In Shock<p>So today, in a Connecticut town, 20 children woke up this morning, got dressed and went to school.  Their parents sent them off, confident that they'd have a great Friday and would see them when school got out.  At some point, a nutjob with a gun changed that plan.  He walked in to an elementary school, shot, and killed 20 children of various ages and 6 adults.  The children who survived will have to live with the horror of seeing their peers gunned down for no reason.  I am left to wonder, what can we do? People have turned this onto a political issue, some calling for tighter gun control and some defending the 2nd amendment rights they hold dear.  I honestly don't know what side I'm on, and it doesn't matter.  Tonight, I'm focusing my prayers on the families of the children who likely have gifts under the Christmas trees at their homes that will go unopened.  I will pray for the surviving children who will likely have their dreams interrupted by vicious nightmares that their heartbroken parents can't make go away. I will pray that, one day, we will be able to send our kids to school without having to fear that they'll never come home.  My hearts go out to all the people affected by this senseless tragedy.</p>
Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-18718628892391280982012-05-13T12:19:00.003-05:002019-05-10T11:26:35.694-05:00Happy Mothers DayOrdinarily I'm all about dissing Mothers Day. It isn't because I'm ungrateful for the mother that I have or the child who made me a mother....I'm just eternally bitter because, on this day when everyone celebrates the woman who gave them life, I can't thank my own. Most people are well aware that I lost my mother on January 5, 1990, when I was only 10 and she was just 32. Cancer is an evil bitch! It angers me that the God who loves me would rob me of the one person who was my biggest fan. On the other hand, 12 years later, He gave me the very reason I exist in the form of Alyssa Frances. The joy that I felt, and continue to feel, because of her is often dampened by the fact that I can't share my experiences and maternal breakthroughs with the woman who felt the same way about me. I would give anything to be able to thank my mom for loving me unconditionally...for being there for my dance recitals and school parties...for throwing THE best birthday parties that the 80s ever saw....for taking care of me when I was sick...for helping me with my homework...for giving me the foundation to become the kind of mother I am today. Am I a perfect mom? No, absolutely not. And, I'm sure she didn't feel she was either. But I think she was. I think she did the best she knew how to do and then some and that's all I could ask for. I don't know what my feelings are regarding Heaven and the afterlife, but I'd like to believe that, one day, I'll be able to look her in the eyes and let her know that it took having one of my own, but I FINALLY understand!Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-19021447377236011232012-03-15T23:54:00.001-05:002012-03-15T23:54:18.028-05:00Thursday ThirteenI realize that Thursday is almost over, but I wanted to get this in. Tonight I'm gonna share a little info into my mind by making a list of...<br /><br />Thirteen Things That Terrify Me<br /><br />1. Getting old--mostly the health problems that go along with it. And I worry that clinical depression will set in once I realize that, logically speaking, I have more years behind than I have ahead.<br /><br />2. NOT getting old--I contradict myself again, because, while I fear getting old, the idea of dying young is even more frightening! I have a lot to live for and it would be a shame to have that taken! :)<br /><br />3. Vomit--as inane as I realize this fear is, it's very valid (there's even a word for it...emetophobia, in case you wondered). It can actually be a crippling fear and it once caused me to live on Cheez-Its, oatmeal and water for 5 years!<br /><br />4. Giant cockroaches--I live in the south where these giant aggravations thrive....ugh!! I can't even think about it anymore!!<br /><br />5. Mice/rats--'nuff said, in my opinion!<br /><br />6. Big dogs--particularly ones that are barking, growling and snapping at me knowing they could swallow me whole!<br /><br />7. Deep water--If I can't comfortably stand up in it, it's too damn deep for me!!<br /><br />8. Snakes--and why not??<br /><br />9. Spiders--I've gotten better about this one but those are some creepy looking little bastards!!<br /><br />10. Wasps/Bees--getting stung HURTS!!!<br /><br />11. Heights--This includes, but is not limited to, driving over bridges and flying, although I'm sure any fear of flying would be better described as a fear of crashing...<br /><br />12. The dark--more specifically. what might be in the room with me that I can't see.<br /><br />13. Things I Can't Control--I wouldn't necessarily call myself a control freak, but there is a certain comfort I take in holding my own reigns....Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-21202529920465550282011-02-21T10:42:00.002-06:002011-02-21T10:54:11.758-06:00Newfound RespectFor reasons I won't go into, that people who are close and trusted will know, I have a newfound respect for the families of our military personnel overseas. I can't imagine being away from my husband for months, or longer, at a time, knowing that he's a million miles away, not being able to talk to him whenever I wanted to and having to pray every day that he'll come home safely! Those wives are stronger than I'll EVER be!! It reminds me to be thankful for my life, even as rocky and stressful as it can get. I have a beautiful 8 year old daughter, who IS my life, and a husband of almost 9 years, who I couldn't imagine having to live my life without. I know where they both are pretty much at all times and when I'm not with my husband, for whatever reason, I know that he's a phone call away. I will have military families in my prayers from now on!!Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-78144857380874607142011-02-17T07:46:00.003-06:002014-06-10T12:45:19.917-05:00Thursday Thirteen<p dir="ltr">I'm sitting at work at 7:49am, all alone since there's a meeting that everyone else at work had to go to and I didn't (ah, the joys of being a temp!). This leaves me PLENTY of time to think about my Thursday Thirteen. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Years ago, I made the decision that when (and IF) I retire, I want to buy an RV and spend however long it takes visiting towns all over the US that have the oddest names I can find and have my picture taken by their sign (evidence, I suppose). So, here is a list of 13 of the places on my list...</p>
<p dir="ltr">1. Unalaska, Alaska<br>
2. Hooker, Arkansas<br>
3. Rough and Ready, California<br>
4. Timbuctoo, California<br>
5. No Name, Colorado<br>
6. Between, Georgia<br>
7. Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky<br>
8. Boring, Maryland<br>
9. Podunk, Michigan<br>
10. Square Butt, Montana<br>
11. Truth or Consequences, New Mexico<br>
12. Idiotville, Oregon<br>
13. Imalone, Wisconsin</p>
Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-29808314289531110092010-10-07T06:53:00.002-05:002010-10-07T07:23:00.415-05:00Thursday ThirteenIt is just incredibly early, but I suppose I could try to write something here that makes sense. I would hate to forget to do my Thursday Thirteen simply because I hate mornings with a passion....so, in an attempt to get my day off to a POSITIVE start, I think I should call this:<br /><br /><strong>13 Things I LOVE:</strong><br /><br />1. Spending time with my daughter--any parent knows that it would be impossible to put a price tag on quality time with your kids. My daughter is the only true reason I have for being alive and I try not to take that for granted.<br /><br />2. Being warm when the weather outside is freaking freezing--the weather has started getting colder, especially early in the morning, and I despise cold weather, so I can appreciate the feeling of being inside a warm house, under a warm blanket (or my beloved Snuggie), drinking some hot chocolate, knowing that, if I were outside, I could be frostbitten.<br /><br />3. Shopping--this is particularly true when I have money in my pocket, or my purse, if you will. I went last night to get a few more school clothes for Alyssa and I just love the feeling of walking around the mall, carrying bags, and looking at things I can actually own!! Retail therapy is awesome!<br /><br />4. Getting surprise gifts for no reason--this need not be an extravagant gift. I just enjoy being thought of from time to time. It really makes no difference what the gift is...or whether or not it would even be called a gift. I am generally perfectly happy when someone brings me a Mountain Dew Voltage from the store, simply because that means that, for the brief moment that they were standing in the store in front of the cooler, I was on their mind. Starved for affection, much??<br /><br />5. Sleeping through the night--I have a child and I have insomnia, so getting to sleep for 6-8 hours, uninterrupted, is something that seldom happens. There even comes a point when my beloved Tylenol PMs are useless. It sucks, too, because sleeping as always been one of my favorite things to do!<br /><br />6. Diving into a project--Earlier this week, my project was birthday party invitations and, although I will sometimes shout expletives when things go all chaotic, the truth is, it makes me feel good to know that I have something to do with my time.<br /><br />7. a day without acid reflux--anyone plagued with acid reflux will understand how awesome it is to go through a day without that kind of pain. And, believe it or not, I actually DO get days when I can eat semi-normally without regretting anything other than the potential weight gain!<br /><br />8. Xanax--and that would be all I intend to say about that!<br /><br />9. Christmas--an expensive holiday, but still my favorite. I mainly love the decorations that come along with Christmas. I love to put my tree up and always look forward to adding ornaments every year. It tends to be a bittersweet holiday, because I always wish my parents were around to spend it with us, but I can look at Alyssa and see how much SHE enjoys it and that makes it okay.<br /><br />10. Entertainment countdowns--I think I have an addiction to those shows on E! and VH1 where they count down the <em>20 Most Horrific Plastic Surgeries </em>and stuff like that. <br /><br />11. The last day of the school year--again, my daughter is my best friend and, even at the age of 31, I get excited when I realize that school is out and she will have three months to spend at home with me! :)<br /><br />12. Wearing new clothes--this is especially true when the clothes are a smaller size than the last new clothes I wore...not that that ever happens, but I sure would love it!<br /><br />13. The fact that I was able to come up with 13 things to love--it was tough, because my life pretty much blows chunks, but I did it and now I LOVE that this is over!! :)Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-14094299799467766912010-10-05T23:16:00.002-05:002010-10-05T23:56:10.462-05:00Bored and Going To BedDo you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?<br />--closed<br /><br />Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?<br />--not usually, no<br /><br />Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?<br />--in<br /><br />Have you ever stolen a street sign before?<br />--no<br /><br />Do you like to use post-it notes?<br />--I never cared much<br /><br />Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?<br />--all the time....it verges on obsession!!<br /><br />Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?<br />--are you kidding??<br /><br />Do you have freckles?<br />--a few<br /><br />Do you always smile for pictures?<br />--yeah, usually<br /><br />What is your biggest pet peeve?<br />--I have SO many!!<br /><br />Do you ever count your steps when you walk?<br />--no<br /><br />Have you ever peed in the woods?<br />--what happens at drunken parties STAYS at drunken parties!! :)<br /><br />What about pooped in the woods?<br />--no<br /><br />Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?<br />--not really<br /><br />Do you chew your pens and pencils?<br />--no<br /><br />How many people have you slept with this week?<br />--one<br /><br />What is your Song of the week?<br />--not sure I have one<br /><br />Is it okay for guys to wear pink?<br />--sure<br /><br />Do you still watch cartoons?<br />--sometimes, but usually when Alyssa wants to watch SpongeBob...unless Family Guy is on<br /><br />Whats your least favorite movie?<br />--I have a ton...<br /><br />Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?<br />--I would tell you, but then I would have to kill you...<br /><br />What do you drink with dinner?<br />--usually water or sweet tea<br /><br />What do you dip a chicken nugget in?<br />--depends on where the nugget is from (seriously)...Chick-Fil-A nuggets are dipped in Polynesian sauce...the ones grandma makes are dipped in honey mustard, and all others are ketchup....<br /><br />What is your favorite food?<br />--chicken, cheese, and potatoes...and if they are all together, even better!<br /><br />What movies could you watch over and over and still love?<br />--Forrest Gump...Walk the Line...Zack and Miri Make A Porno...<br /><br />Last person you kissed/kissed you?<br />--I kissed Alyssa goodnight...does that count?<br /><br />Were you ever a boy/girl scout?<br />--no<br /><br />Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?<br />--if I had the body for it, I might....<br /><br />When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?<br />--I think I was 12<br /><br />Can you change the oil on a car?<br />--no, but I can take it to the mechanic to do it for me<br /><br />Ever gotten a speeding ticket?<br />--no, knock wood<br /><br />Ran out of gas?<br />--oh yeah...<br /><br />Favorite kind of sandwich?<br />--turkey and cheese<br /><br />Best thing to eat for breakfast?<br />--depends on my mood....<br /><br />What is your usual bedtime?<br />--not early enough!<br /><br />Are you lazy?<br />--we all can be<br /><br />When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?<br />--really?? I was Oscar the Grouch, the Queen of Hearts, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, a biker whore, all kinds of things....<br /><br />What is your Chinese astrological sign?<br />--I have no idea<br /><br />How many languages can you speak?<br />--is sarcasm a language? If not, one...<br /><br />Do you have any magazine subscriptions?<br />--not at the moment...I quit reading them<br /><br />Which are better legos or lincoln logs?<br />--I personally have no preference<br /><br />Are you stubborn?<br />--I can be<br /><br />Who is better...Leno or Letterman?<br />--Leno<br /><br />Ever watch soap operas?<br />--oh yeah...LOVE my soaps, if something cool is going on<br /><br />Afraid of heights?<br />--a little<br /><br />Sing in the car?<br />--all the time<br /><br />Dance in the shower?<br />--no<br /><br />Dance in the car?<br />--sometimes<br /><br />Ever used a gun?<br />--yep<br /><br />Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?<br />--1998, maybe?<br /><br />Do you think musicals are cheesy?<br />--some are<br /><br />Is Christmas stressful?<br />--certain elements are<br /><br />Ever eat a pierogi?<br />--yep<br /><br />Favorite type of fruit pie?<br />--hmmmm...probably apple<br /><br />Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?<br />--Miss America, an Olympic ice skater, an obstetrician....<br /><br />Do you believe in ghosts?<br />--not sure on that<br /><br />Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?<br />--absolutely<br /><br />Take a vitamin daily?<br />--no, but I have some to take when I think about it<br /><br />Wear slippers?<br />--no<br /><br />Wear a bath robe?<br />--sometimes...I have a great one!<br /><br />What do you wear to bed?<br />--usually just a t-shirt<br /><br />First concert?<br />--New Kids on the Block...shut up, I was 11 years old!!<br /><br />Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?<br />--I love some Target!<br /><br />Nike or Adidas?<br />--neither<br /><br />Cheetos Or Fritos?<br />--Cheetos<br /><br />Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?<br />--peanuts<br /><br />Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?<br />--not ringing a bell<br /><br />Ever take dance lessons?<br />--yeah, when I was a kid<br /><br />Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?<br />--sure...an Academy Award winning actor... :)<br /><br />Can you curl your tongue?<br />--yes<br /><br />Ever won a spelling bee?<br />--yep<br /><br />Have you ever cried because you were so happy?<br />--not that I recall<br /><br />Own any record albums?<br />--sure, somewhere<br /><br />Own a record player?<br />--I think I still have one at my grandparents house<br /><br />Regularly burn incense?<br />--no<br /><br />Ever been in love?<br />--yes<br /><br />Who would you like to see in concert?<br />--no one in particular<br /><br />What was the last concert you saw?<br />--Vince Neil....damn, that was 2001! Been a minute!<br /><br />Hot tea or cold tea?<br />--cold<br /><br />Tea or coffee?<br />--tea<br /><br />Sugar or snickerdoodles?<br />--either<br /><br />Can you swim well?<br />--well enough to POSSIBLY not drown<br /><br />Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?<br />--sure<br /><br />Are you patient?<br />--not very<br /><br />DJ or band, at a wedding?<br />--never thought about it<br /><br />Ever won a contest?<br />--sure<br /><br />Ever have plastic surgery?<br />--nope<br /><br />Which are better black or green olives?<br />--gag me!!<br /><br />Can you knit or crochet?<br />--nope<br /><br />Best room for a fireplace?<br />--living room<br /><br />Do you want to get married?<br />--I am<br /><br />If married, how long have you been married?<br />--8 1/2 years<br /><br />Who was your HS crush?<br />--I had a few ;)<br /><br />Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?<br />--I might if I thought it would work<br /><br />Do you have kids?<br />--I have one<br /><br />Do you want kids?<br />--not really, but I think people would talk if I got rid of her now! :) Totally kidding!!<br /><br />Whats your favorite color?<br />--blue....and pink<br /><br />Do you miss anyone right now?<br />--yes<br /><br />Did you watch, Next Great American Band on FOX?<br />--never heard of itRebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-74977582249117576922010-10-02T00:06:00.003-05:002010-10-02T00:27:15.410-05:00Thursday Thirteen (A Little Late)Okay, so I happen to be a little late, but, this has been a busy week...give me a break! As long as this blog has gone without being updated, I would think that complaining about lateness would be wasteful. Anyway, my daughter is turning 8 years old this weekend (Sunday, to be exact) so she has been the top thing on my mind...pretty much for the past 8 years, really, but particularly this week. So, my 13 that I had planned for Thursday, which I am finally getting to now, is:<br /><br /><strong>13 Nicknames My Daughter Answers To</strong><br /><br />1. Lyssa---of course, with her name being Alyssa, this one kinda went without saying. Other derivatives include: Lyss, Lyssie, and Lyss-Priss.<br /><br />2. Skeeter--my grandparents stuck her with this one at birth. It has been shortened further to Skeets and lengthened to Skeeterbug.<br /><br />3. Tootie--one of my personal favorites. This one also has spin-offs, if you will, such as Toot, Toots, Tooter, and Tootie-Smurf.<br /><br />4. Smurf--this is her current nickname from me. It was shortened from the above-mentioned Tootie-Smurf.<br /><br />5. Squirt--Daddy uses this one mostly.<br /><br />6. Papoose--she doesnt hear this one as often now as she did when she was under two. Rather than calling her The Baby, we chose to call her The Papoose....clever, eh?<br /><br />7. Turd--I know, I know...I probably should rethink nicknaming my daughter after fecal matter, but it just kinda happened, ya know??<br /><br />8. Sweet Pea--what father can say that they have never called their little girl Sweet Pea? In my usual fashion, I modified it and called her Peanut for a long time!<br /><br />9. Cuddle Bug--I still call her this at 2am, when she crawls into my bed to snuggle.<br /><br />10. Punkin--also very generic, but hey....<br /><br />11. Poot--probably where Tootie originated...<br /><br />12. Little Bit--not one of my favorites, but it comes out from time to time.<br /><br />13. Tater--I have no idea where this came from....<br /><br />There you have it....all the things I choose to call my daughter that nowhere resemble her actual given name (for the most part)...I hope she can avoid a complex!Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-35039276790845420292010-07-29T19:54:00.003-05:002010-07-29T19:58:44.680-05:00February 16,1999Can anyone look at my face and tell <br />I am sinking into dispair?<br />I try to find a friend who cares <br />But everyone turns away.<br />So, I just sit alone and stare<br />And cry myself to sleep.<br />But, if I could, I would like to die<br />In perfect solitude.Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-24860775869618036472009-12-05T16:23:00.002-06:002009-12-05T16:26:35.201-06:00GrievancesI have a lot of things I want to say. I'm working on the "mother of all blog posts" as I type. I have a ton of things running through my head and I'm trying to figure out how to get them out in a way that makes sense and gets my point across. I'm tired of people feeling like they've gotten by with treating me like crap, like I'm too stupid to see through them (I assure you, I'm not). They WILL all know how I feel about their hypocrisy! My new years resolution (if I must have one) is to no longer let ANYONE take advantage of me or get by with lying to me. I'm sick of it all!!Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-42413723137153523382009-11-25T13:12:00.002-06:002009-11-25T13:23:11.698-06:00AMA BacklashI missed the first 25 minutes of Sunday's AMA show,but I sat, glued to the remaining 2 1/2 hours or so and I must say that I was....amazed? First of all, how great is it that Michael Jackson won FOUR out of the five awards he was up for (and really, in my opinion, was robbed for Artist of the Year, because Taylor Swift isn't THAT great)?? <br /><br />Aside from that, the big news was Adam Lambert's performance. My mouth flew open when I saw him make out with the dude (yes, the DUDE) on stage and then shove another person's face in his crotch and flip off the audience and whatever else. I really like Adam...I do...and, luckily, I'm not one of those folks who are easily offended by such. People are ranting about how he has fans who are children and things of that nature, but Adam's performance came on at nearly 10:00 MY time (11pm in NYC) and MY child was in the bed!! He was asked in an interview following the performance if he felt the need to apologize to these children and parents for his actions and he said (and I tend to agree) that he's "not a babysitter", but a performer. Everyone knows that when you get celebrities in a group on live television ANYTHING can happen (and something usually does), so a SMART parent would have, at the very least, TiVo'd the performance and watched it first to decide if it was appropriate for their kids. Even people who don't have TiVo or DVR should know that these performances are available on YouTube and other internet video outlets. And, if you don't have access to THAT, then please join us in the 21st century!! I'm just saying that, while I don't think that what Adam did was necessarily a GOOD thing, for parents to blame him for what their child sees on TV is just neglectful. If my daughter had seen Adam's sex-charged performance, I would have no one to blame but myself for having my daughter up so late, watching a show that never claimed to be geared for kids!<br /><br />Having said that, I am SO over Taylor Swift!! That look of mock surprise every time she won an award was nauseating. She's won enough awards in the past few months to where none of US are surprised....so why should we believe that she is???? I was totally on her side during the whole "Kanye" thing and I certainly like her better than I like Miley Cyrus (speaking of bad role models for children), but she's beginning to wear on my nerves in a serious way! I mean, please....she's alright and she's certainly cute, but she's really nowhere near as talented as a singer as someone like, say, Reba McEntire, who Taylor beat out for an award Sunday night.Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-81542078756451862482009-11-04T12:12:00.002-06:002009-11-04T12:24:50.606-06:00What the Hell WednesdayI'm trying to find new ways to spend my blogging time. It's come to my attention (mostly just by me) that I'm not exactly the most entertaining of folks...so here goes....<br /><br />1.<strong><em>If you won the lottery lets say 200 million dollars what would be the first thing you would do? </em></strong> You mean AFTER I call everyone who ever treated me like less than a human being and shout "F**K YOU!!!" as soon as they answer??? Well, after that, I'd buy a house!<br /><br />2. <em><strong>Do you think your a lucky person? why? </strong></em> I am one of the most UNlucky people I know...I'm a 30 year old orphan, for crying out loud, among other reasons I won't get into.<br /><br />3. <em><strong>Do you have any lucky charms? </strong></em> I really don't....I'm dull like that...<br /><br />4. <em><strong>Have you ever knocked on wood in hopes whatever you said doesn’t get jinks? </strong></em> Yeah...of course, I didn't actually BELIEVE it would change anything...<br /><br />5. <em><strong>If you could have just one thing..anything besides riches (money/gold) what would your wish for? </strong></em> I be happy...I would like to be satisfied with myself, doing something I love to do<br /><br />6. <em><strong>Do you listen to your gut instincts or try to ignore them and wish you did? </strong></em> I've gone both ways...My gut instincts aren't that strong, though, so I usually just have to go with the flow<br /><br />7. <em><strong>Are you a glass half full or more of a glass half empty type person? </strong></em> I am an "who the heck stole my damn glass" kind of person...that would be more my luck!<br /><br />8. <em><strong>Do feel like you are fortunate in life or waiting for your turn? why? </strong></em> I think I was very fortunate at one time, but I wasn't appreciative enough...so, here I am!<br /><br />9. <em><strong>What is an attainable dream that you want to accomplish before you die? </strong></em> I'd like to finish college<br /><br />10.<em> <strong>If the world was going to end on friday…what would you do before it ended? </strong></em> Pretty much whatever I wanted to do...<br /><br />11. <em><strong>Do you believe rabbits foots are bring good luck? </strong></em> If I did, I'd have a million of them!!<br /><br />12. <em><strong>Do you believe blondes have all the luck? </strong></em> Not necessarily<br /><br />13. <em><strong>If you could come up with an invention and make millions of dollars what would it be? </strong></em> I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you....Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-31105418266579254732009-07-03T21:57:00.010-05:002019-05-10T13:18:32.425-05:00"Do You Believe In Fairies?"<span style="font-weight: bold;">"All children, except one, grow up".</span> <br />
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Everyone knows who Peter Pan is. He's the magical boy who never grows up, never ages, believes in fairies and can't understand why anyone wouldn't. Peter Pan is a part of everyone's childhood. We all remember him flying around with his friends, Wendy, John, and Michael and taking them to his fantasy land where they'd also be children forever. In the end, the three children make the "natural" choice to go back and live their lives and grow up as children are supposed to do. Of course, we all know that EVERYONE ages...that's just a part of it...but, do we HAVE to grow up?? Do we have to let go of our childhood dreams? Do we have to give up on impish fun and trade it in for the stresses of adulthood?<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">"When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies."<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Peter Pan</span></span><br />
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Michael Jackson didn't think so. He lived his life in such a way as to draw media scrutiny from the grown ups who couldn't "get it". Were these media bloodsuckers so "grown up" that they were afraid to release their inner child? Or had they forgotten HOW to be child-like, making them so jealous of Michael's innocence that they had to terrorize him at every turn? Whatever it was, Michael Jackson was the target of so much hate and so many jokes in his all-too-brief life. But it was because he wasn't afraid. He wasn't afraid to admit that he was afraid. He wasn't afraid to cry when he hurt. He wasn't afraid to have a good time doing things that children do. He, like Peter Pan, created his own "Neverland" where he could make all his childhood dreams come true. Go to YouTube and watch his private home movies. Watch as he has water gun and water balloon fights and hunts Easter eggs with the children. Listen as he laughs as he's being pushed into the pool repeatedly or having raw eggs cracked on his head. Watch him climb trees and have pie fights after "short film" shoots. Then, look into his eyes and see the happiness and satisfaction written all over his face. How many adults can say that they have that much joy in their hearts? I know I can't! <br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">"Do you know," Peter asked, "why swallows build in the eaves of houses? It is to listen to the stories."</span><br />
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Yet, the media took this joy and viewed it under a microscope, inventing ideas that weren't there and twisting his fantasies in such a way that he eventually never returned to live at the Neverland he loved. Why must we adults do this? Why do we allow ourselves to grow up too fast and then expect our kids to do the same? How many times have I stopped my daughter from playing because it's "too loud" or "too messy" or because she's "too big for that"? How many times have I watched her play alone because I was "too busy" or "too old" to play with her? I could have (and will) take a lesson from Michael. You're NEVER too old toplay and laugh. <br />
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Michael Jackson, from what I can tell, took his pleasure from helping others. This is evident by the THOUSANDS of sick, orphaned, and underprivileged children who entered Neverland during the time he was there. It's evident by the more than $300 million he gave to various charities. It's also proven by the story of the little four year old boy for whom Michael found a liver and paid for a transplant. Believe the rumors if you will, but very few celebrities of Michael's status can say that they've given not only money, but time. His caring contributions can't be denied, not even by the most vicious haters. <br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">"Every time a child says, 'I don't believe in fairies,' there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead."</span><br />
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Did he have his faults? Sure. We all do. Did he do things that might have made him seem "eccentric" or "peculiar"? Certainly. But, I will never be able to view him as a criminal, because I believe in my heart that everything he did was with the naivety of a child. He originally had, and eventually lost, a great trust in people, just like children do. The media forced him to "grow up" and realize that all people were not good and that everyone wasn't out to love him. <br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">"To die will be an awfully big adventure."<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Peter Pan</span></span><br />
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Michael Jackson, the eternal child, began his "big adventure" on June 25, 2009, at the age of 50. With his departure, we've lost not only one of the greatest talents the music business has ever known, but we've lost a huge part of our own childhoods (if you're old enough, anyway). With him, he also took the voice of the children. I've been crying real tears for days, not so much for Michael, as I'd never met him, but for the world, who will never again see that kind of child-like innocence that he possessed. As someone who lost her own "voice" in 1995, with the death of my father, my heart goes out, not only to Michael's own children, but to all the children he could have helped, if he'd only been allowed more time.<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">"Second to the right, and straight on till morning."<br />That, Peter had told Wendy, was the way to the Neverland</span><br />
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<a href="http://s2.photobucket.com/albums/y30/rdwilliamson/blog%20pictures/?action=view&current=neverland.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y30/rdwilliamson/blog%20pictures/neverland.jpg" /></a>Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-55950474190273927412009-06-18T22:47:00.002-05:002019-05-10T11:49:27.067-05:00Collections<div dir="ltr">
I've gotten to a point where I HATE laundry day. Previously, I didn't mind so much the washing or the drying and I could even tolerate the folding and putting away. But, since my daughter has come up with various things to "collect", laundry day has gotten to be a hassle. </div>
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Assuming that I remember to check her pockets, I'm subject to turning up anything from grass and rocks to change to whatever else the average 6 year old can stick in her pockets! Rocks seem to be her favorite and now there's one lodged in my agitator...and that agitates ME! Tiger Woods has fewer golf trophies than I have rocks in my house! </div>
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I don't want to put a damper on the little things my daughter enjoys, but how much more of this am I supposed to take??? I'm stepping on rocks, vacuuming up rocks, washing rocks in my washer, fishing them out of cats' water bowls and the toilet...I could build a new driveway just from the rocks in my shot glasses...it's ridiculous!! I love my baby girl, but we've got to stop with the rocks, already!!</div>
Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-89275884797926214782009-06-04T11:31:00.004-05:002009-06-04T13:02:50.758-05:00Thursday ThirteenYep...it's Thursday again...yay!! I've had a pretty crappy couple of days (months, even?), so I decided to do something on a slightly positive note. So, today's "Thirteen" will be....drum roll, please....<br /><br />THIRTEEN OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES:<br /><br />1. "A memory can be a paradise from which we cannot be driven. It can also be a hell from which we cannot escape."--John Lancaster Spaulding<br /><br />2. "Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be."-- David Bly <br /><br />3. "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."-- Walter Winchell<br /><br />4. "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."--Jonathan Swift<br /><br />5. "Be yourself, everyone else is already taken."--Oscar Wilde<br /><br />6. "A true friend is someone who will know your name in heaven"--Patricia Pasquariello<br /><br />7. "Turn your wounds into wisdom."--Oprah Winfrey<br /><br />8. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."--Plato<br /><br />9. "Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment."--Fred Brooks <br /><br />10. "Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm."--Norman Vincent Peale<br /><br />11. "You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die."--E.B. White in "Charlotte's Web"<br /><br />12. "Explore. Dream. Discover."--Mark Twain<br /><br />13. "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."--Anne Frank<br /><br />I have so many more, it's not even comical! Maybe this theme will have to repeat at some point.Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-84051708480652958882009-05-29T02:07:00.005-05:002009-05-29T02:25:29.032-05:00Thursday ThirteenOkay, so I realize that it's technically Friday, but I got sidetracked. Better late than never...<br /><br />So, last Friday, I got a new purse. I ordered it from Handbag Heaven and I LOVE it!! So, in light of that, I decided that this week's "Thursday Thirteen" would be: <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">13 Things You'd Find In My Purse</span>:<br /><br />1. my wallet--this will contain everything from my driver's license to gift cards with tiny balances left that I just can't seem to get rid of. <br /><br />2. sunglasses--I have some of those really HUGE ones that are popular nowadays. I love them!!<br /><br />3. keychain--this isn't the keychain that has my car keys on it...I usually keep that one in my pocket so I don't have to dig. This one strictly has my little "loyalty cards" that I use at the grocery store or where ever.<br /><br />4. a pen--okay, so technically my pen isn't in there right this second, because I just took it out to use it, so it's sitting beside me. But, any other time, it'd be in there!<br /><br />5. phone number list--I lost my address book, so I have phone numbers written down on a piece of paper until I find a replacement address book. I'm very picky about my address books, so it could take awhile to find the right one.<br /><br />6. my makeup bag--this new purse is big enough that I can stick the whole damn Mary Kay clear plastic bag in there. No more picking and choosing which products I "might" need!!<br /><br />7. some of those Crystal Light individual drink packets--you never know when you might be craving something like that and you can just stop by the store, get a 20oz bottle of water and voila! Crystal Light!! :)<br /><br />8. cough drops--kinda goes without saying why a person might keep those, huh?<br /><br />9. loose change--this SHOULD probably be in my wallet, but it's not, so it counts separately!<br /><br />10. hand sanitizer--I don't go ANYWHERE without this stuff!! I hate germs!!<br /><br />11. moist towelette--for those instances when my child needs her hands washed in an inconvenient place.<br /><br />12. Ibuprofen--again, I have a kid....can't have enough headache medicine handy!!<br /><br />13. silica gel pack--like I said, it's a new purse and I just found this while I was digging around for 13 things...so it counts!! :)<br /><br />There you have it! I've said before that you can tell a lot about a person by what's in his pockets...well, purses count, too!! :)Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37760533.post-89885319774367508652009-05-25T17:36:00.003-05:002009-05-25T17:52:06.597-05:00I Got Tagged.....THANKS!! :)If I looked on the bed next to you, what would I find?<br />--I'm not in the bed....but if you looked at it, you'd see my husband asleep and my daughter watching a movie<br /><br />Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed?<br />--closed, if you must know<br /><br />Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawer or just thrown in?<br />--they're folded, but then they got thrown in, so you can't tell<br /><br />Sleep on your back or stomach?<br />--I'm pretty back and forth<br /><br />Are you a cuddler?<br />--not really, but I have my moments<br /><br />What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?<br />--pictures...shoes....no telling what else...<br /><br />Something that happened today that made you angry?<br />--nothing, really....same old, same old.....<br /><br />What were you doing before this survey?<br />--just killing time<br /><br />What will you do after the survey?<br />--cook, I guess<br /><br />Marriage or living together?<br />--I don't really have an opinion on that<br /><br />What shirt are you wearing now?<br />--an LSU tshirt<br /><br />Do you sing?<br />--upon occasion<br /><br />Do you de-label your beer bottles?<br />--this really doesn't apply to me<br /><br />Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?<br />--depends on who I'm talking to<br /><br />Is there something you regret and wish you could take back?<br />--oh yeah!!<br /><br />First thing you do when you wake up?<br />--look at the clock<br /><br />Ever had surgery?<br />--nope<br /><br />Last argument you got into with?<br />--Alyssa, I'm sure<br /><br />Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?<br />--no<br /><br />What's one good thing about your best friend?<br />--I "own" her until she's 18!<br /><br />How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?<br />--awhile, usually<br /><br />Current song on myspace?<br />--I have several<br /><br />When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?<br />--no...I intentionally put it across the room so I'd have no choice but to get up<br /><br />If you were given the chance to take care of a monkey for a weekend, would you?<br />--um....I guess....<br /><br />What are you looking forward to in the next few months?<br />--nothing, really...I'm still hoping I have something TO look forward to<br /><br />It's midnight. Who are you texting?<br />--no one<br /><br />It's Wednesday afternoon, where are you usually?<br />--same place I am any other day<br /><br />Your Christmas list consists of?<br />--really? We're already talking about Christmas???<br /><br />You're going to New York for school shopping, where do you go first?<br />--why would I go to New York for school shopping???<br /><br />You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?<br />--hmmm...I really don't know...<br /><br />How do you feel about your hair?<br />--it needs to be cut again<br /><br />What movie is in your DVD player?<br />--I'm pretty sure there isn't one<br /><br />If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?<br />--anywhere!!<br /><br />How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?<br />--to a point, sure<br /><br />What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?<br />um.....<br /><br />How many TRUE best friends do you have?<br />--not many<br /><br />What would you change about your life right now?<br />--OMG!! You have NO idea!!!<br /><br />What’s the best feeling in the world?<br />--don't know...haven't had it yet! ;)Rebeccahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06521385461461733061noreply@blogger.com0