4am Musings

Yes, I was, once again, up at 4:00 this morning. For some reason, when the house gets quiet is when my thoughts come up to haunt me. This morning was no exception. So, as a means to release my tension, I broke out a pen. Here's what I came up with:

There's a place where dreams end and reality begins. If you're lucky, the two are so similar that you hardly notice the transition. However, if you're me, the jolt of crossing between real and make believe is anything but subtle.

In my dreams, everything is as it should be. I'm not hungry or sad or sick or depressed. In my dreams, there are plenty of people in my life that I can count on and no one would ever lie to me or take advantage of me.

But, the reality is harshly different. Here, no one cares. I struggle for every blessing I receive and constantly look over my shoulder while trying to decipher between fact and fiction.

When I dream, I close my eyes and everything is as it seems. There are no false pretenses and everyone I come in contact with is genuine. No one hurts me in my dreams.

However, in my real world, the opposite is true. The stories are ever changing. First it is, then it isn't. First they have it, then they don't. First they're there for you, then they aren't. You have no idea how I tire of all the variances.

My longing is for my fantasies and my realities to somehow collide. I want to keep what's mine and never have to second guess what I hear. I'm ready for the truth to overcome the lies and to get back what was unjustly taken from me. I'm ready to stop being someone's victim and release my inner bitch! No one wrongs me in my dreams and I'm ready for it to cease in my reality as well.

I will no longer be your victim! I will stand up for MY rights as well as the right of my daughter, who is the one person who remains constant, regardless of my level of lucidity. She has never let me down and I will not further disappoint her!