Happy Mothers Day

Ordinarily I'm all about dissing Mothers Day.  It isn't because I'm ungrateful for the mother that I have or the child who made me a mother....I'm just eternally bitter because, on this day when everyone celebrates the woman who gave them life, I can't thank my own.  Most people are well aware that I lost my mother on January 5, 1990, when I was only 10 and she was just 32.  Cancer is an evil bitch!  It angers me that the God who loves me would rob me of the one person who was my biggest fan.  On the other hand, 12 years later, He gave me the very reason I exist in the form of Alyssa Frances.  The joy that I felt, and continue to feel, because of her is often dampened by the fact that I can't share my experiences and maternal breakthroughs with the woman who felt the same way about me.  I would give anything to be able to thank my mom for loving me unconditionally...for being there for my dance recitals and school parties...for throwing THE best birthday parties that the 80s ever saw....for taking care of me when I was sick...for helping me with my homework...for giving me the foundation to become the kind of mother I am today.  Am I a perfect mom?  No, absolutely not.  And, I'm sure she didn't feel she was either.  But I think she was.  I think she did the best she knew how to do and then some and that's all I could ask for.  I don't know what my feelings are regarding Heaven and the afterlife, but I'd like to believe that, one day, I'll be able to look her in the eyes and let her know that it took having one of my own, but I FINALLY understand!