I Don't Get It

I was reading an article on Yahoo about the punishments given to parents who accidentally leave their children to die in hot cars. I just don't understand. How can a sane parent get so distracted that they forget that their child is in the backseat of their car??? That makes no sense to me. I'm probably one of the most forgetful people in the world and, yet, when I get out of a car, I never space out so far that my daughter slips my mind. Even IF (and that's a big IF) I forgot to get her out of the car, would it not occur to me that my house was oddly quiet before she had time to die in the car??? I'm not sure I can show any sympathy to these parents. I'd better get my flame-retardant suit on, but I'm not sure that a parent who loves their kids can just "forget" to get them out of the car. I mean, I'm not "mother-of-the-year" material, but there are very few moments of my life when my daughter isn't the foremost thing on my brain and to think of "accidentally" forgetting about her and leaving her in a sweltering hot car for 7 hours or longer to die is just insane!

Plans for Today

I wish I could say that I had some. It's already 1:00 and I haven't even gotten dressed. Starting next week, we're going to alter our schedules. Alyssa and I are, anyway. There's not much I can do with hubby--he's a grown man. But, Alyssa and I are going to start going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. She's had Bible school this week in the evenings, so she hasn't gotten home until 8:15 or so and I hate to put her in bed at 8:30 because that only gives her 15 minutes to eat a little bit of supper and play with Daddy, so I've been letting her stay up until 9:30. But that has to stop. She's going to be starting school in roughly a month and we'll have to BE THERE at 8:30, which is LONG before we're used to even waking up! So, she's going to start going to bed between 8:00 and 8:30 and I'm going to have to get in bed before 2:00am, myself!

One Word Only

This time it was Retta who got me. The good news is, as I've said before, I love these things!! So, here we go...answers must be in ONE WORD!

1. Where is your cell phone? floor

2. Relationship? stressful

3. Your hair? up

4. Work? constantly

5. Your sister? bed?

6. Your favorite thing? daughter

7. Your dream last night? forgotten

8. Your favorite drink? kool-aid

9. Your dream car? SUV

10. The room you’re in? living

11. Your shoes? off

12. Your fears? barf

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? happy

14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Alyssa

15. What are you not good at? patience

16. Muffin? pass

17. One of your wish list items? camera

18. Where you grew up? Mississippi

19. Last thing you did? type

20. What are you wearing? clothes

21. What aren’t you wearing? pants

22. Your pet? gone

23. Your computer? overused

24. Your life? overwhelming

25. Your mood? bored

26. Missing? parents

27. What are you thinking about right now? entertainment

28. Your car? filthy

29. Your kitchen? cluttered

30. Your summer? hot

31. Your favorite color? pink

32. Last time you laughed? earlier

33. Last time you cried? Wednesday

34. School? hoping

35. Love? Alyssa

Who to tag??? Um....I think I'll get Karen, Melissa, and Sindy. Have fun!!

Trip Home

I love going to Mississippi! I've been missing the heck out of it ever since we moved away in late 2003. Since then, I've been in Texas, gotten sick, lost my mind, moved to Louisiana, blah blah blah. I did, however, have an epiphany. I've been BEGGING Greg to move us back home and I just wonder if it's because I think I'll genuinely be happy there or because I'm hanging on to memories of a time in my life that I'll never be able to relive. I was SO happy in 2000-2003. I'm not sure I realized HOW happy, until it got to be 2007 and I realized that I'm sick and insane. Everything great happened to me between those years. I moved into my own apartment, got my first full time job, bought a brand new sports car, made great friends, went out clubbing, met Greg, got pregnant, got married, moved into a house, had the most beautiful baby girl EVER, and had my life together. I knew who I was.

So, here I am now...2007. I'm in Louisiana, which, in itself, isn't a TERRIBLE thing. But it's not "home", either. I have an "eating disorder" of some sort and haven't had a meal since 2004. I feel like I've lost control of my life. I no longer know who I am or what makes me happy. I haven't been genuinely "happy" in a long time and there's no one to blame for that. For awhile, I tried to blame it on my husband. But, it's not his fault. He's a great husband and father and I'd be lost without him. Then, I tried to blame it on my daughter, indirectly. But, as difficult as being a mom is and as much as I didn't expect and thought I didn't want it, I've come to realize that she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I didn't realize what I was made of until she screamed her way into my life! I've tried to blame it on Texas, but moving there was only part of the problem. It definitely contributed, but the issue is ultimately mine. I've been through so much in my 28 years, and I know that there are people who have been through more and I have nothing but respect for them. But, everyone has a different breaking point and I hit mine in 2004, when I moved away from the majority of my support system. No one's fault, but it's MY job to get myself out. So, those of you who have a belief in the Big Man Upstairs, please say a prayer for me!