ss_blog_claim=cd46ef178142ba5c793d6628c487d5ef The Stuff I Think: Be Careful, Little Ears, What You Hear

Friday, March 07, 2008

Be Careful, Little Ears, What You Hear

I remember that song from preschool choir at church, when I was no older than my daughter (hence "preschool"...DUH!). I just never really understood the importance until I had my OWN preschooler! I noticed, the other day, that she is a walking carbon copy of the things that she hears and sees. She can quote lines from songs, tv shows, movies, commercials, you name it. Luckily, I have always tried to make sure that the things of that nature that she's exposed to are things that I wouldn't necessarily MIND her repeating, even if hearing "don'cha know?" after every sentence can be annoying at times.

I try very hard to be a good influence on my daughter, as most parents do, but it's not always easy, because I can't walk around all day long singing happy songs and speaking in a chirpy tone. I'm an adult. I have real adult problems. They're problems that my 5 year old wouldn't (and shouldn't) understand or even hear about. But, I'm sure she can sense my demeanor and figure out when something isn't right. And, it affects her mood as well. So, I have to do my best to hide these things. We all want what's best for our kids and if we don't feel like we're giving it to them, we start to second-guess ourselves and wonder if we're going to wind up parenting a juvenile delinquent. Or maybe that's just me? I'm bound and determined to put her in a private school, because I know what I turned out to be, thanks, in part, to the public school system, and I want better for my daughter. However, in order to put her in the private school, I'm going to have to get a job. Sounds easy, right? Well, not for the college drop-out! I can get a job in retail....but that's about it. I've done retail before and it's really not for me. But, I have to do something.

I've often sat and wondered what would happen if I died. Would my daughter have something left of me to be proud of, like I have with my own mother? Have I been a good enough mother to her to balance out the fact that I have no career successes for her to be proud of me for? My mother was a stay at home mom with a degree in elementary education. So, even if she had been a bad mom, which she wasn't, I could still brag about the fact that she went to school and had a degree and was a very smart woman. Can my daughter do that? I look at myself NOW and think 'no'. I'm a decent mother, I realize, but I don't, yet, touch what my mother was to me. Then, being a college drop-out on top of that, what will my daughter have to brag about??? I get visions of her, in college, telling her friends, "My mom was "employee of the month" at the Piggly Wiggly", and it makes me sad. Now, don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with a job at a grocery store if you're happy with it and your kids are fed, etc. I'm certainly not knocking anyone with a job AT ALL!! I don't want anyone to think that. I just know that, for MYSELF, I want more!! I'd never be satisfied with that and I want more for myself and my child.

My whole point has been, I want to make sure that I'm a good influence on my child. I want what she sees and hears to be the things that cause her to grow up with a strong sense of self and all the other things that will bring her success in life. It's going to be hard for me, because I've been conditioned to be a negative, cynical person, but there can be no more negativity around my impressionable five year old! I have to make sure that the things she hears shape her into the person I feel like she needs to be!

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