Mother's Day

Mother's Day is a very bittersweet holiday for me. On the one hand, I have my beautiful daughter to celebrate with. There's nothing better than knowing that there's a person in the world who loves you in spite of your faults. It had been a LONG time since I experienced unconditional love and now I have it!

But, on the other hand, it's a sad reminder that my own mother has been missing from my life (in the flesh, anyway) for 17 Mother's Days. Most everyone who knows me, at all, knows that my mother passed away on January 5, 1990, at the age of 32. I was only 10 years old at the time, so, unfortunately, I wasn't left with many vivid memories of her. It's very hard to fathom that I've spent over half my life without her. It's unfair...I've said it before and I'll say it for the rest of my natural life....it's totally unfair!!

I try not to be bitter about the holiday, for the sake of my daughter. I had no reason to celebrate before her. Granted, I always sent (and still send, actually) a card to my grandma, but it was more out of obligation than anything. I would have much rather stuck my head in some sand somewhere and ignored the Hallmark commercials and such, completely forgetting that it was a day when I was supposed to be shopping for cards and gifts for a mother that, thanks to circumstances beyond my control, I can't even remember.

What I DO remember, though, is a woman who would do whatever she could for her two girls. I remember the birthday parties and the matching outfits and the time she spent with me, practicing my routines for dance recitals and talent shows. I remember her patience, teaching me how to read and how to tie my shoes. And, sadly, I remember the day she left. My father came home after spending less than a week with her in the hospital. He showed up early on a Friday morning, as my sister and I were getting ready for school. He sat us down on the bed in my sister's room and said "Do you remember how your mom was sick this summer?" Well, of course we did. "Well, it came back and God didn't want her to be sick anymore, so He took her up to Heaven to be with him". It didn't make any sense in my 10 year old mind. Mothers didn't DIE!!! Mothers watched their babies grow up. Mothers taught their daughters how to cook and how to drive. Mothers helped their daughters get ready for their first dates and mothers helped them get ready for the prom. Mothers sat in the front row and cried when their "babies" graduated...and then repeated the process when they got married. Mothers morphed into GRANDmothers. That's what they did....they did NOT die!!

Yep....I hate Mother's Day....with a passion!! The ONLY reason I plan to get up in the morning is because I AM a mother and I am blessed to have a beautiful four year old in my world to remind me that life goes on.