Questioning It All

If there is a God in Heaven, He is sure as hell bound and determined to stay hidden from me.  I've gone through my entire life, all the loves and losses that define who I am, thinking all the while that it was part of some "master plan"...that I was somehow destined for wonderful things.  Now, at age 33, I am no closer to counting for anything than I was when I was 10....possibly less now, actually, because at least when I was 10 I had potential.  Meanwhile, I've prayed and prayed and prayed for God to make my life okay....not perfect....just okay...like everybody else's...and I can't even get that.  So either God is some huge joke someone made up to prove that humans are gullible, or He does exist and just doesn't give a damn about me...I'm honestly not sure which truth I prefer...

In Shock

So today, in a Connecticut town, 20 children woke up this morning, got dressed and went to school.  Their parents sent them off, confident that they'd have a great Friday and would see them when school got out.  At some point, a nutjob with a gun changed that plan.  He walked in to an elementary school, shot, and killed 20 children of various ages and 6 adults.  The children who survived will have to live with the horror of seeing their peers gunned down for no reason.  I am left to wonder, what can we do? People have turned this onto a political issue, some calling for tighter gun control and some defending the 2nd amendment rights they hold dear.  I honestly don't know what side I'm on, and it doesn't matter.  Tonight, I'm focusing my prayers on the families of the children who likely have gifts under the Christmas trees at their homes that will go unopened.  I will pray for the surviving children who will likely have their dreams interrupted by vicious nightmares that their heartbroken parents can't make go away. I will pray that, one day, we will be able to send our kids to school without having to fear that they'll never come home.  My hearts go out to all the people affected by this senseless tragedy.