What To Do?

It's Sunday and I'm a little disappointed. I didn't get to take Alyssa to the circus yesterday and planned to take her today. So, today, lo and behold (no surprise, though), she wakes up with "the sniffles" (or at least that's what it was called to me a few days ago). I don't care WHAT you call it. The point is, I feel like I can't take my child out around other kids and do unto them what was rudely and selfishly done unto me. Therefore, because some parents don't have enough respect for other parents to keep THEIR sick kids away from kids who aren't sick, my daughter will miss the circus! This, my friends, is why I'm a cynical witch who detests people!

Snow??

Anyone who lives in the south knows that snow is a rarity. It'll snow in Texas, usually once, maybe twice, a year, but VERY seldom in Louisiana and Mississippi. However, yesterday, in March, during a time of year when we're SUPPOSED to be moving towards spring, it snowed. It really came down for while yesterday afternoon, shortly after I picked Alyssa up from school. I was so excited that she got to play in it. We built her a mini snowman and had a little snowball fight. Granted, it didn't snow long and didn't accumulate much, but it snowed, all the same. I was told that it snowed overnight, too, and we had two inches on the ground, but I missed it, and by the time we got up, it was melting. It was fun while it lasted, anyway. I got some cute pictures of Alyssa and even a little video. Now all I have to do is find my camera software and reinstall it so I can get the pictures uploaded!

Be Careful, Little Ears, What You Hear

I remember that song from preschool choir at church, when I was no older than my daughter (hence "preschool"...DUH!). I just never really understood the importance until I had my OWN preschooler! I noticed, the other day, that she is a walking carbon copy of the things that she hears and sees. She can quote lines from songs, tv shows, movies, commercials, you name it. Luckily, I have always tried to make sure that the things of that nature that she's exposed to are things that I wouldn't necessarily MIND her repeating, even if hearing "don'cha know?" after every sentence can be annoying at times.

I try very hard to be a good influence on my daughter, as most parents do, but it's not always easy, because I can't walk around all day long singing happy songs and speaking in a chirpy tone. I'm an adult. I have real adult problems. They're problems that my 5 year old wouldn't (and shouldn't) understand or even hear about. But, I'm sure she can sense my demeanor and figure out when something isn't right. And, it affects her mood as well. So, I have to do my best to hide these things. We all want what's best for our kids and if we don't feel like we're giving it to them, we start to second-guess ourselves and wonder if we're going to wind up parenting a juvenile delinquent. Or maybe that's just me? I'm bound and determined to put her in a private school, because I know what I turned out to be, thanks, in part, to the public school system, and I want better for my daughter.

I've often sat and wondered what would happen if I died. Would my daughter have something left of me to be proud of, like I have with my own mother? Have I been a good enough mother to her to balance out the fact that I have no real skills for her to be proud of ? My mother was a stay at home mom with a degree in elementary education. So, even if she had been a bad mom, which she wasn't, I could still brag about the fact that she went to school and had a degree and was a very smart woman. Can my daughter do that? I look at myself NOW and think 'no'. I'm a decent mother, I realize, but I don't, yet, touch what my mother was to me. Then, being a college drop-out on top of that, what will my daughter have to brag about??? I get visions of her, in college, telling her friends, "My mom was "employee of the month" at the Piggly Wiggly", and it makes me sad. Now, don't get me wrong, I've never worked there, but there is NOTHING wrong with a job at a grocery store if you're happy with it and your kids are fed, etc. I'm certainly not knocking anyone with a job AT ALL!! I don't want anyone to think that. I just know that, for MYSELF, I want more!! I'd never be satisfied with that and I want more for myself and my child.

My whole point has been, I want to make sure that I'm a good influence on my child. I want what she sees and hears to be the things that cause her to grow up with a strong sense of self and all the other things that will bring her success in life. It's going to be hard for me, because I've been conditioned to be a negative, cynical person, but there can be no more negativity around my impressionable five year old! I have to make sure that the things she hears shape her into the person I feel like she needs to be!

10 Movies I've Intended to Watch But Haven't

I'm not a movie buff, but there are a few that I've been wanting to see. Some are newer...most are older. But, regardless, here they are:

1. 10 Things I Hate About You--I actually have this one sitting on the shelf, waiting to be watched before it has to go back to Blockbuster.

2. Brokeback Mountain--I've already seen it once, but I've been meaning to watch it again.

3. Dirty Dancing--I'm the only child of the 80s I know of who hasn't seen this one.

4. Wedding Crashers--Greg bought it and said it's HYSTERICAL!

5. The Illusionist--Greg also said this one was good.

6. Casablanca--I'm on a "classic" kick and have wondered what made this movie so great.

7. The Village--heard this one was good.

8. Shaun of the Dead--I love a good "spoof" movie, which, for the record, lets out Date Movie and Epic Movie, because they were NOT "good" spoof movies!!

9. Hairspray--a friend and I were supposed to go to the theater and see this, but we never did.

10. Spaceballs--another one Greg said was hysterical!

So, there you go!!

Maybe I'm In Denial

I went to the grocery store a little while ago, and was chatting it up with the friendly little dude who was ringing up my stuff. Somehow, we got on age, and I watched him "size me up" as he tried to determine MY age. Now, granted, I had on my glasses, hair in a ponytail, makeup ONLY on my eyes, and in a sweatsuit, but when he said "31??", I was floored!! I knew I was getting old, but I didn't think I LOOKED 4 years older than I am! Lucky for him, I'm not offended, but I do wonder if I should start getting life insurance quotes. Apparently, I'm older than I feel! I guess it could have been worse. He could have said 41! Off to use my Mary Kay TimeWise products!

Not Sure Why

I'm having a little depression issue today. It's not too bad, but what bugs me is I have no idea WHY I feel this way. It's just one of those "down-for-no-reason" days. Those annoy me. If I'm going to feel bad, I at least like to know WHY I feel bad. At least then I won't look like an idiot when someone says, "What's wrong?" and I have to say "I dunno". Of course, it's not an "I-can't-get-out-of-bed" day, which I'm thankful for. Just don't know why I keep having fleeting moments of sadness. Just one of those days, I guess. This, too, shall pass.

Uncanny Resemblance

I might have mentioned this before, but my daughter and I are "old people magnets". When she and I are in a store, it seems like every senior citizen there wants to talk to us, which is fine. I like old people, for the most part. There was this one old couple, we'll call them "Bob and Sally Smith", which TOTALLY aren't their real names. They stopped us in Wal-Mart and chatted with us. "Sally" reminded me of my father's mother, who I loathe, but I didn't hold that against her. They told me how cute my daughter was and he gave me his info, because he's an accountant (retired, surely). Not sure why he thought I needed an accountant, but whatever. So, then, "Sally" handed me a little calendar, a notepad, and a pen that all said, "I stole this *object* from 'Sally Smith'". Amusing, yes? Turns out, that woman is all over town passing these little "funnies" out. I was in the grocery store a week or so later, and the pen they had up there for me to sign my slip with was one of those same custom pens from "Sally". I've seen that same couple about a million times since then. They're sweet, but a little odd, I'd say!

My Quest

I've recently decided that I need to make sure that I've seen EVERY movie Heath Ledger ever made. I called myself a fan, and I was, but, after his death, I realized that I'd only seen, like, three, maybe four, of his movies. I'd seen A Knight's Tale, and owned it. I saw The Patriot before I even knew who he was, and, of course, I'd seen Brokeback Mountain. So, last week, we rented Candy, which was his last released movie, made in Australia. It was a pretty good movie. It was a little creepy seeing Heath play a junkie, but he looked REALLY hot! Last night, we watched Lords of Dogtown, where he played Skip, the guy who put the skate team together. They had given him some false teeth and his hair was all scraggly, so he didn't look like his usual hot self, but he did a good job, all the same. I'm not sure which one Greg will come home with next, but I'd love to see 10 Things I Hate About You. I'm sure I've seen part of it, but I don't think I've ever watched the whole movie. I just still can't believe he's gone! :*(

Rebecca's Got Talent?????

My Mother's Day gift last year was the karaoke machine that I'd been BEGGING for. I used to do some singing in high school and college and I LOVE karaoke! Well, recently, I learned how to record my "performances", so I've had a great time doing that. I'm in the process, now, of trying to determine if my recordings are any good or if I should try to re-record them in the hopes that they'll sound better the second (or third) time around. I'm not sure WHY it matters. I suppose because I have a weak recording of my mother singing "The Lord's Prayer" at her wedding, and I cherish it. So, I want to have some recordings of my voice for my daughter to treasure when I'm gone. Or, for me to treasure when I get too old to carry a decent tune!! Either way, I can't make up my mind. I suppose I'm off to re-listen.

Need Suggestions

I'm about to have to embark on something I've never done before. I have to figure out how to decorate a child's bike for a Mardi Gras parade. I'm from Mississippi, for crying out loud! We don't "do" Mardi Gras there! Alyssa is going to be in a parade with her school and her bike has to be decorated. I want to do a good job, but I just don't know where to start. I'd like to do something cuter than just throwing some beads on it and calling it "decorated"! I just don't know.

I also have to go help her pick out a box of Valentines for her class. That should be fun. I haven't had to do that since I was a kid. I'm a little bit excited!

R.I.P.

I am still shocked. I am still deeply shocked and saddened about yesterday's news of Heath Ledger's death. I fell "in love" with this curly haired Aussie when I saw A Knight's Tale in the theater in 2001. From that time, I watched him change his image both on and off screen. I got to feel jealousy when I learned of his relationship with Michelle Williams (didn't he realize that he was supposed to wait for ME???), I got to laugh when I learned that he was going to play a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain. I got to be excited when he was nominated for an Oscar for that role and I got to be irate when he was "robbed". And, yesterday, I got to be devastated when I heard that he is no longer with us. I'm not going to pretend to have known him personally. We never met. But, I do get to feel the grief, mainly for his 2 year old daughter, as I HAVE been in a similar position to where she is today, half-orphaned at a young age. Regardless of the rhyme and reason behind it, this was most definitely a life needlessly lost too early.

Rest In Peace, Heath Ledger (1979-2008)

ARGH!

Why are kids so trying? I love my 5 year old with every fiber of my existence, but geez! I sometimes think she is seriously trying to kill me! She can't understand the concept of "don't break all your crayons in half", no matter how many boxes of crayons we go through. And, if I hear "can I have....?" one more time, followed by "PLEASE???" after I've already said "no", I'm going to go ballistic! I know, I know...she's just a kid. I understand that. But, I just don't recall being THIS obnoxious when I was a kid. I had my moments, yes...but, in my house, "no" meant "no". It didn't mean "continue begging until I give in" and it didn't mean "I might have said no, but please go ask your other parent, in case they think differently". It means "NO"! I'm learning a lot about parenting, but there are some things I still need help with. So, if anyone has any pointers on how to make a child clean her room or how to make her stop pouting when every little thing doesn't go her way, I'd be more than happy to hear them!!

Baby Fever

Yes, I have it. My only "baby" is five years old and I'm emotionally ready for number 2. Physically, though, I'm a mess! I want a baby so badly, but there's no way my body could handle it. I have a friend who is having her second daughter in a matter of weeks (about three, actually) and I'm a little envious. Part of me isn't, because, I know that while she's up and down all night long, I'll be sleeping soundly with my 5 year old. On the other hand, I went to see her nursery today and I really wish I could buy little bitty things and prepare for another love in my life. I suppose I'll maintain what I've always said, which is, there's a Power that's bigger than me, and if God intends that I should ever have another baby, then I will, regardless of what I try to do to prevent it (Alyssa is proof of that). However, if I'm not, then I won't and I'll just enjoy the daughter He's already blessed me with. Hard pill to swallow, but that's what I have to do.

Plans For A Sunday

I usually love Sundays, not for any particular reason, but just because it's another day when I don't have to get up and take Alyssa to school. I need to be going to church on Sunday mornings, and I know this, but I just SO love to sleep. I realize that that's not going to be a good excuse in Heaven, but that's a topic for another blog and I don't want to get into it right now. My point is, I have as little as possible planned for today. We've had company all weekend and now, if we can EVER get rid of all of them (one down, one to go), my life will go back to normal and I can't wait!! I'm going to work on some of my stitching and then, at 6:00, I'm going to go to a church in town and hear Testify sing. I have a good friend who sings with them and I love going to their concerts when they're in town. I'm hoping that Greg will go, but I'm not holding my breath.

Folks Don't Get It

I will never truly understand why people are oblivious. Like, do they not stop to pay even a LITTLE bit of attention to the world (and the attitudes) around them. For instance, if you come to my house, after inviting yourself over here, plan to STAY and I don't speak to you, although we're in the same room, then a logical person would deduce that to mean that I didn't really want you here. DUH!! Some people are a little bit slow, though. And, then, when the person has received every hint that their presence isn't appreciated and still hang around, why must they try to make idle chit-chat with you when it's more than obvious that you're trying to watch TV?? It makes no sense and that's kinda why I'm not a people person!

How Pitiful!

We're watching Celebrity Rehab on VH-1, with "celebs" such as Brigitte Nilson (or however you spell that), Jessica Sierra (from American Idol) and some others, but the saddest case is Jeff Conaway. He used to be so cute in Grease and Taxi, but he is just horrible and sad now. He has to use a cane or a wheelchair to get around and is totally incoherent. You can't understand what he's saying half the time. It just really makes me sad to see. He was such a talented actor and he wasted it all on substance abuse. I'm not even sure what substance he used, but whatever it was, it ruined him. I could just cry because I like him as an actor and he is going to die!

Rainy Day

I'm not really a fan of rain. I don't mind it so much when I have nothing to do and don't have to get out in it, but I actually have things I have to do today, so the fact that it's raining is a little irritating to me. I have to go to the bank and get a few groceries. I also need to go to the mall and return something, but I don't know if that'll happen or not. That can, technically, wait. Oh well, at least it didn't happen yesterday. Everything on my "to do" list yesterday involved Alyssa and it's ten times harder to get her in and out of the rain! I suppose I can be thankful for that!

Geaux Tigers!

We had a party over here last night to watch LSU play in the BCS Championship game. Several of Greg's friends and such came over. It was amusing, I suppose. I could have made do with less children. Of course, the little girls stayed in Alyssa's bedroom and were fine. They were actually cute and endearing and had a great time. I just LOVE little girls! Alyssa had a great time playing, too, which is good, because she doesn't get a lot of interaction. Other than school, she rarely gets to associate with any kids. I feel sorry for her, really. She desperately needs some good, well behaved kids in her life. Hopefully, we can get to Mississippi soon and she can play with some of my friends' and Greg's friends' kids.

At any rate, the point is, LSU pulled it out! I'm not really a fan, but I LOVE Les Miles and I was excited to see him win the championship. It was a good game.

A Not-So-Happy Anniversary

Today is January 5th. It was today, 18 years ago, that my family, as well as the world, lost the most fabulous daughter, sister, wife, and mother ever. My mother passed away 18 years ago today, in 1990, after a short battle with cancer. I was only 10 years old at the time and my sister was just 6. I don't have a lot of memories of my mom, which is the saddest part about the day, but I do remember that she was a devoted mom. Nothing and nobody came above my sister and me in her eyes. We had homemade birthday cakes with interesting party themes. She was a room mother for my class at school every year, going above and beyond the call of duty to ensure that my elementary years were as memorable as possible. Unfortunately, as far as memories are concerned, the happiness she caused was overshadowed by the painful memory of her loss. I guess that's how it works. All I know is, I pray every day and strive to be half the mother to my little girl that she was to me!

It's OVER!!

FINALLY!! Christmas is OVER!! I was well pleased with the whole holiday, aside from my kid being sick...again. She and I spent Christmas Eve night riding around looking at Christmas lights in the different neighborhoods. Then, Christmas morning, we got up to see what Santa had brought her. She got a little basketball goal (just her size), a Chat Diva Barbie, an ice cream maker and cute little ice cream bowls. She also got a Webkinz, a Lite Brite, a set of bongos and a bunch of cute things. Anyway, after that was over, we all loaded up, went and picked Greg's son up from his mom's and we all went down to my mother-in-law's house and opened our family gifts there. Alyssa got a set of golf clubs, a FurReal gorilla, a Hannah Montana doll, a princess watch from her brother and a Nintendo DS Lite with a game. I was really excited because I got a nail care set from that kiosk in the mall (LOVE that stuff), the camera I wanted, and a beautiful butterfly necklace. I think the necklace is my favorite, simply because my little girl picked it out all by herself! Greg took her to the store and basically turned her loose. He said she walked around, looking, and all of a sudden she stopped, put her hands over her mouth and whispered, "Daddy...it's PERFECT!!" He said he showed her heart shaped necklaces and such but she would not be moved. She said the butterfly was "perfect for Mommy because she likes butterflies and so do I". So, that's the gift I will most cherish.

When we left my mother-in-law's, Alyssa and I went to Mississippi to spend the remainder of Christmas Day with my family. We spent the night at my grandparents' house and came back yesterday, just in time for me to take Alyssa to the doctor to get medicine for what appears to be a respiratory infection. Yay! Her cough sounds so bad...I just wish there were more I could do for her. I hate it when my baby isn't feeling good. She doesn't feel bad...she isn't acting "off" or anything...she just has a horrible cough. Poor baby.