Headed For A Break-Down

It's currently 1:00am here in the "middle of nowhere, Louisiana" and I'm still basically wide awake. Now, don't misunderstand. I'm not alert and awake. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I'd LOVE to go to sleep right now. But, as soon as my head hits the pillow, my eyes pop open. I know this, because I've already tried it. Sitting up at the computer, I'm doing good to keep them open, but that will change as soon as I lie down. I know that it's because I have so much crap going on in my head and I can't seem to sort it all out. My pastor would say that this would be the best time to talk to God, but I can't even concentrate long enough to do that! My mind zooms around ninety-to-nothing pretty much all day long and I can't make it stop racing long enough to enjoy the world around me. I need some meditation. I need to stop and sit down and really put my life into perspective. I feel better when I'm able to do that.

I want to be a better person. I want to tune in more to the people around me and less to myself. I want to be able to take care of my daughter the way she deserves. I just want a touch of "normalcy" going on. I know what I want. I have a very clear image of who I am and who I want to become. I just haven't yet figured out the steps it'll take to get there. I pretty much know that it'll take some "divine intervention" to make it all happen and I pray that that'll happen, but I just don't know anymore. I've prayed, I've begged, I've cried (literally and figuratively)...I'm not sure what else I can do or how much more sincere I can possibly be. I don't know if I've committed some unforgivable sin and that's why I feel so ignored or what...I just know that it's taking all the strength in me to even care anymore. Pretty soon, that'll give out, too, and what happens then? Does my daughter become a carbon copy of myself--left behind by her parents, through no fault of their own, to grow into a bitter, negative, lonely woman who is more like a child than an adult, crying out for love and acceptance that she somehow missed through not having parents? The very LAST thing I want for my daughter is for her to ever have to feel like I do--like she's been abandoned by the people who were supposed to take care of her until she was at least old enough to take care of herself. Every parent knows the love they have for their child or children. What happens to that child when she loses that unconditional love? Well, I'll tell you what happens. She becomes angry at the world. She's angry at God for taking the truest form of love she'll ever be privileged to have. There's not a soul in this world who loves a person the way their parents do. Not grandparents, not siblings, not aunts or uncles...no one! Even my daughter loves me NOW, but that love will change. Not that she'll love me any less when she gets older, but it'll be different. Right now, I'm ALL she has. Sooner or later, her love will be divided between me and some boy who isn't good enough for her. Then, it will be divided further when she has children of her own. She'll always love me, I'm sure, but not in the same, unchanging way that my parents would have and certainly not in the way that I'll always love her. A parent's love never changes. The kids are "it". There's nothing else to divide our love with after that. What they have is what they have, period. At least that's how I look at it. Not that I'd know, because I'll never get to be the object of love like that. I was, at one time, but it was so long ago that I can no longer remember it. I only get to imagine the way my mother felt about me. I don't want my daughter to wind up like me. I don't want her to know loss like I have. I don't want her to have to wonder what kind of grandparents her parents would have made. I don't want her to be reduced to simply "feeling their presence" as she gets ready for prom, or at her high school graduation, or at her wedding or the day her first child is born. I want her to be able to come to her mother when the mean kids at school are picking on her because she's wearing glasses or braces or because she's fat or because she has horrible skin (not that I want any of those things to happen to HER, but they sure happened to ME!) I want her to have something that I'll never have...the opportunity to come out of the hospital delivery room, holding her own baby, and say "Thank you" to the parents who felt the same way about her that she now feels about her baby.

Sure, I believe that my parents "know how I feel" and they're "looking down on me" or whatever else it is that people say to lessen my pain...but it's just simply NOT good enough. I was a young mother with questions...I'm proud to say that most of them, I figured out on my own...but why did I have to do that? Why are there mothers out there who will KILL their children and MY loving mother had to die? There are fathers who run off and leave their children and never pay a lick of child support or have anything to do with them and, yet, my devoted, hardworking father had to die. It's cruel and it pisses me off beyond belief!! I'll admit that God and I have been on the "outs" plenty of times in my 30 years because of that. I'm not an atheist. I very much believe there is a God. There's no doubt in my mind, whatsoever. I believe that He's up there and I believe that He sees what I'm going through. However, I struggle constantly with whether or not He cares about what He sees. I hurt, every day of my life, for one reason or another. If it's not my parents, it's some other struggle that He knows about. I will never understand how He can just sit idly by and watch me fall apart. Again, I've prayed, cried and begged...I've done, what I thought was, exactly what the Bible told me to do if I needed help...but, oddly enough, that "help" never came. So, where is my God???? He's up there, I have faith in that...but why does He just let me hurt? Why has my pain NOT stopped since I was 10 years old?? That's 20 years of suffering I've endured.

I have a beautiful daughter. I'm not ungrateful for that. She was what I call a "blessing in disguise". She was something I got that I didn't know I wanted. The truth is, I needed her. I know this, because there have been plenty of times since Alyssa was born in 2002, that, if I didn't have her, I would have just given up. Yes, I recognize that she is a gift from God....something to keep me going in the midst of my hurt...and I'm appreciative of that. She's beautiful, she's healthy, she's smart, she's well behaved, for the most part. She's a perfectly "normal" kid. It's my strong desire to keep her from my pain that is making me crazy!! My instincts constantly tell me to give up...but I can't, for her sake. I had a great mom and I want her to have one, too! It's just hard for me to know how to do that because my role model was taken away from me.

There aren't too many days that go by that I don't wonder what they'd be like. My mother would be 52 years old now...I haven't seen her since she was 32. My father would be turning 57 next month...he was 43 when I saw him last. I'm the spitting image of my mother, but, after my 32nd birthday, I'll no longer know what that means for me. I wonder every day how much grayer my father's hair would be or if my mother would have gotten the "middle age spread" (that would be good info to have for later). More importantly, I wonder if they'd be proud of me. I'm quite sure they wouldn't be, at this moment. I've made a TON of mistakes. But, most of them were mistakes that, most likely, I never would have been in a position to make, had they just been here. I like to think they'd be proud of me anyway, and I KNOW they'd be proud of their granddaughter. But, it really doesn't help any to "know" that. I'm still angry because they can't come to her birthday parties and her grandma can't make her any cute clothes and her grandpa can't take her on her first Harley ride.

I'm not in constant grief. It only really hurts when I think too hard about it. It doesn't even bother me to TALK about, in most cases. As long as I just talk and detach myself and forget how it FELT to hear my daddy say that "God needed a new angel and took Mom up to be with Him"...or how it FELT to have my phone ring early on a Saturday morning to be told that my father had been in an accident...or how it FELT to have his best friend come out of the hospital and tell me that he didn't make it. The sense of total aloneness that I felt at that moment is something that is still raw today.

If my life was thrown a blow on January 5, 1990, when "God needed an angel", or whatever His motivation was, it all but ended on November 4, 1995, when He took away the last unconditional love I'll ever know. I still have a million unanswered questions and I'll probably never know exactly what happened in that room at Baptist hospital in 1990, or exactly what happened on Pine Springs Road in the wee hours of that November day. I'll never know if they were at peace with what was happening to them or if they were terrified of what would happen to my sister and me. I might not ever know how much they suffered and I suppose I should be grateful for that. And, I suppose I should be grateful that, unlike some people, I'll never have to wonder if they loved me. I KNOW they did! But, oddly enough, that doesn't help. That actually makes it worse, believe it or not. If I was an abused child, then their deaths might have come as a sweet release to me. But, I was very loved and treasured and, to lose the only people who will ever truly look at me that way, is a devastating tragedy from which I'll likely never recover.

It's almost 2am now and I'm totally rambling and I realize this. And, I also realize that, in the morning, I'll re-read this and it might not even stay on this blog. It likely won't make any sense, to be honest. In fact, I'm almost certain of that. I'm just tired of struggling. In one way or another, my entire life has been a constant struggle and I'm just ready for it to end (the struggle...not my life). I just want a few moments of peace. Maybe I had them already and just didn't notice. I don't know for sure. I just know that I hurt, almost constantly, and, if I have to be committed at any point, I want everyone to understand why!

**Update**
Yep...went back and re-read...and I'm happy to report that I'm feeling a bit better! :) These outbursts aren't unusual for me. Anyone who has lost someone close to them knows that it's a pain that you never get over. Time helps, and I've had YEARS, but it never completely stops hurting. I have moments when I still don't understand and moments when I still feel like I'm going through this life completely by myself, but deep down inside, I know better. They're always with me, not necessarily in that "they're watching over you" kind of way, but they're with me whenever I truly need them to be. I have my memories and I always feel closer to them when I'm telling my daughter about them. I want her to feel like she knew them and my next child (if I have one) will be named after one or both of them!

Now, having said that, I'm signing off to play with my 6 year old, who, as I type is reading over my shoulder and trying to give me "wet willies"! :)

Really?? I Had NO Idea!!

You Live a Boring Life

You aren't necessarily a boring person, but you've fallen into living a pretty boring life. Somehow you've gotten yourself stuck in a rut, and life just isn't that interesting anymore. You need to start acting and stop thinking so much. Just go for it, and don't let yourself come up with excuses. The only way to make life less boring is to start living it. Let go of your hang ups. Go out and have an adventure!

Is Your Life Boring?

What'cha Wanna Know??

Things people would actually want to know..

The Basics!
Name:: Rebecca
Birthday:: May 6
Birthplace:: Jackson, MS
Age Now:: 29
Current Location:: West Monroe, LA
Height:: 5'8"
Hair Color:: brown
Eye Color:: brownish-hazel
Lefty or Righty:: righty
Random Questions!
Do you think your life is good so far:: parts have been, yes
Any regrets:: sure
Ever been in love:: yes
Ever been engaged:: yes
Ever been married:: I am now
Believe in love at first sight:: no
Been in love:: yes
Kiss on the first date:: I have before
Sex on the first date:: no
Believe in love at first sight:: um....no....still don't
Miss anyone:: always
Want to tell someone something that you cant:: no, not really
*Favorites*
Number:: 10
Movie:: Forrest Gump is one of them, but I have more
Color:: blue and pink
Drink:: Dr. Pepper
Alcoholic Drink:: don't drink alcohol
State:: MS
Vacation Spot:: the beach
Food:: turkey and chips
Day of the week:: Saturday
Animal:: cats
Sport:: don't really have one
Football Team:: don't really have one
Baseball Team:: don't have one
Hockey Team:: don't have one
Have You Ever.......
Been out of the country:: yes
Been on a plane:: no
If so, To where?:: n/a
Been on a train?:: yes
If so, To where?:: it was just a little cutesy "tour" train
Gotten a tattoo:: no
If so, how many?:: n/a
Where are they at?:: n/a
Gotten into a car accident:: fender benders
If so, Whos fault was it?:: theirs...duh!
Been in love:: yes
If so, Was it real:: well yeah
Who was it?:: there were a couple of people, but my husband was the last one
Been so drunk you have thrown up:: no, but I've dry heaved
Gotten a DUI:: no
Been out of state:: yes
If so, to how many different ones:: several...and I'm not taking the time to think of them all!!
In the opposite sex......
Eye color:: no preference
Hair Color:: no preference
Cut Short or Long:: I prefer short, but some guys are sexy with longer hair
Height:: taller than me is good
Skinny or Muscular:: I'd like a balance between the two
Younger or Older:: older
Hot or Cute:: cute
Body Type:: no real preference, as long as he's not morbidly obese
Skater or Prep:: definitely not skater
TattoosPiercings:: tasteful ones are okay....I couldn't be with someone who was covered in them
Sports:: what about them?
More Randoms....
If a magic potion could make someone love you, would you slip it to them?: I don't feel like I'd have to
What if a potion could make your enemy miserable?: nah...what's the point?
If your bf/gf had to move out of state, would you leave your family?: I did
Is abortion ever an option?: sure...not one that I'd be choosing, but it's always an option
A parent confides in you that they are gay. Now how do you view gay rights?: I have no idea....luckily, I'll never be in that situation!
A loved one on life support for years, could you finally let them go?: I suppose I'd have to....
You are on life support, what would you want a loved one to do about it?: if there was absolutely NO hope for me, whatsoever, I'd want them to let me go
A friend just fell over a very high bridge, do you jump to save them?: honestly, no....but only because I can't swim and would be NO help....I'd sure do what I could, though!
Do you have/want kids?: I have one....and I think I want another one someday
What have you/will you name them?: I named her Alyssa Frances...I'd name my next one Mariana Katherine or something Shane
What do you think are 3 things that can destroy a person?: 1) lack of a relationship with God....2) the death of a child....3) feelings of self-imposed hopelessness (at least those are MY downfalls)

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1979

In 1979 (the year you were born)

Jimmy Carter is president of the US A major accident occurs at a nuclear reactor on Three Mile Island near Middletown, PA An American Airlines DC-10 loses its engine and crashes seconds after takeoff, killing 275 people Hurricane David kills over 1200 in the US and the Dominican Republic Some 90 people, including 63 Americans, are taken hostage at the American Embassy in Tehran, Iran The Soviet Union invades Afghanistan ESPN starts broadcasting Aaliyah, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Norah Jones, Heath Ledger, and Kate Hudson are born Pittsburgh Pirates win the World Series Pittsburgh Steelers win Superbowl XIII Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup Kramer vs. Kramer is the top grossing film Sophie's Choice by William Styron is published "My Sharona" by The Knack spends the most time at the top of the US charts The Facts of Life premiers

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

No!! You're KIDDING!!

Note the sarcasm in that title!

You Are a Little Negative...

You can be negative from time to time, but you rarely go overboard. You have a realistic view of the world, and most people appreciate your honest insights. Like everyone else, you have your darker moods. But when you're feeling super negative, you keep your feelings to yourself.

Are You Too Negative?

Done

I got my daughter registered for school yesterday...finally. I procrastinated as long as I could. This story is not without its share of fiascoes, however. I had to take her on Thursday to have her booster shots. What I didn't know is that I had gotten behind and let her miss her 15 month shots. So, when I took her Thursday, she had to have four shots done. That was rough enough, as she cried and screamed and BEGGED them to stop by about the third one. So, once it was over, of course, she was fine. She played all day and went to bed. When my husband went to bed at around 12:30, he noticed that she was warm. So, he woke me up, we checked her temp and it was 104.7. So, off we went to the ER. She's doing much better now, but it was an ordeal!

So, I have my baby registered for school. Now, if I could just do the rest of the things I have to do to prepare, I'll be all set for Tuesday. Keep us in your prayers!

See? I Told Ya!

You Are a Believer

You definitely believe in God - and you're very unwavering in your religious beliefs. In fact, religion and spirituality are definitely big parts of your life. Religion shapes how you view right and wrong, as well as the decisions you make. It's hard for you to imagine how your life would be without your beliefs.

Are You an Atheist, Agnostic or a Believer?

Rebecca Means.....

What Rebecca Means

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous. You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things. Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Senseless Crime

Never in my life has a devastating crime hit me close to home. I have a cousin who has had his truck broken into a time or two, but nothing like the crushing blow that my husband's son and ex-wife experienced this week. Their home, which they rented, was set on fire by an apparent arson. They've lost EVERYTHING. This boy is almost 12 years old and has lost his entire life (materially speaking, of course...they, luckily, were not home and, therefore, unharmed). All of his soccer trophies he was so proud of, as well as his awards from school are gone, as well as his PlayStation and all his games and the TV he got for his birthday...EVERYTHING. But, what's worse is, she lost all her baby pictures of him and her home videos, family heirlooms...it's just sad. How can people do such terrible, random things? It makes me very sad for them, but also makes me appreciate the things I have.

Movies I've Seen Recently

Okay, so first of all, my husband and I went to see The Dark Knight last Friday morning at midnight (yeah, we were two of "those" people!) and it was FABULOUS! It takes a great movie to make me stay awake until 3am just to wait for the end! I will go on record and say that my "late future second husband" Heath Ledger did a great job! I was almost sad when it ended because they cleverly left it open for the next movie and Heath won't be there. It's tragic and unfair! I try not to get bitter, because I know there's a reason for everything, but as an orphan, I tend to see the unfairness in life, and this is another one of those moments. There are plenty of celebrities who get in far more trouble and are far less talented than Heath Ledger and they are still alive, getting arrested and making really crappy movies/music! UGH! But, I digress.....

We also rented Definitely, Maybe from Blockbuster and I really enjoyed it. I'm a romantic comedy kind of girl and this one was really cute...or maybe it was just Ryan Reynolds! What on earth is he doing with Scarlett Johanssen?? She's not attractive to me, but perhaps Ryan isn't as superficial as I am! Anyway....the movie was cute and it ended just like I wanted it to, which made it that much better to me!

Then, we watched Stop-Loss with Ryan Phillippe. I'm not all that into war movies, but this one wasn't too bad. I intentionally took a shower during the scenes in Iraq, so I missed most of the nastiness. Ryan Phillippe is pretty cute, too (and I promise that cute guys isn't the ONLY reason I watch movies...but it sure helps) and the movie had a good ending, which is also important.

And, of course, I watched Picture Perfect, which is almost 10 years old, but it's one of my favorites! I've seen it a million times and I caught it on TV the other day. It's got Jennifer Aniston and Jay Mohr in it and I like their chemistry. It's not the stuff that "classic movie couples" are made of, but it's cute, all the same. I LOVE that movie!!

That's What I Knew

You Are a Moderate Mama

You're not overly political, and your views fall more with the American mainstream. In fact, it may be difficult for you to decide who to vote for at times! Your approach to politics is reasoned and well though out.

Are You a Liberal Lady or a Conservative Chick?

I'm not a political person and I don't "belong" to one party. I'm not that loyal!

Who ME???

Your Greed Quotient: 49%

You are somewhat greedy, but your greed is probably a healthy motivator. Wanting nice things is normal, as long as it doesn't take over your life.

How Much Greed Do You Have?

I'm simply not THAT greedy!! I mean, I am a little---I like money! But, who doesn't??? I want things. But, if I were greedy, I would have a cell phone and I would still have money in my checking account. But, I don't. Therefore, I can't be as greedy as some!

Well DUH!!!

There's a 70% Chance That You Need Therapy

You almost certainly need therapy. And there's nothing wrong with that. Lately life has not been easy for you. Why not let a therapist help you sort things out?

Do You Need Therapy?

I would have thought there'd be more than a 70% need for therapy in my life!! I think if I could get rid of a few "minor" irritations in my life, I'd be alright. But, those odds are slim and none, so I guess I'll look into therapy!

Why Are They Not Safe???

I just read on a message board that I frequent that a member's 7 year old granddaughter was killed in a car accident. How does that happen??? This, of course, isn't the first I've heard of tragedy striking a young child, but WHY?? It just doesn't seem fair to me. Why does God give children to people and then take them away before they reach any level of maturation? It's scary to me, as a mom, that, no matter what I do for my daughter or how well I take care of her, there's still a power greater than me that can take her at any moment. I could have very little warning and my life could change in an instant, but it's really frightening to me. I have given this little girl the very best of me...better, in fact, than I even know I had in me. We all have a "number", so to speak and all I can do is hope and pray that she's not one of those unfortunate children with a low number.

Sad Stuff

For several hours now, I've been watching as MSNBC replays lots of footage of Tim Russert. In case anyone didn't know, Tim Russert was the moderator of "Meet the Press" and collapsed and died Friday at the age of 58. I'd be lying if I said that I was a huge fan of the show, because I'm really not into politics, but I do remember watching it years ago, when I lived with my grandparents. Grandpa would have it on every Sunday while I ate breakfast and got ready for church. I'm finding it to be a little sad that he's gone, mainly because, through the interviews and whatnot, I've come to the conclusion that he was genuinely a great guy and one I would have liked to have met. It's sad that his father lost a son and his son lost his father right before Fathers Day. My prayers are with his family.

Happy Father's Day!

Father's Day is a bittersweet holiday for me, even more so this year. I lost my own father in 1995 at the age of 43. So, not only is Father's Day just rough, in general, this year, it falls on what would have been my father's 56th birthday. It's going to be a tough day, but I will soldier on, for the sake of my daughter and my husband, who still have the pleasure of celebrating the holiday together. I went shopping for a gift and cards and I'll put a smile on my face and try VERY hard not to let myself get bogged down by the memories of a man who should be celebrating twice as hard tomorrow.

I Am Nothing.

At least that's the word, according to my five year old. Now, I know she didn't mean anything by it. My daughter loves me. Let me set this up.

We're in the car and she starts asking me about the "apple pie party" that she had with her school last October. It was held at a restaurant that's owned by the parents of one of the little girls in her class. So, she proceeded to go over it all in her head. "Sage's mom owns a restaurant. Bubbie's mom is a teacher. You're nothing."

NOTHING?!?!?! Does dedicating the last 5 years of my life to the health, happiness and welfare of my most precious gift not count for anything? I realize that she didn't mean it that way. She merely meant that I don't have a "job", in the paycheck drawing sense. But, am I truly nothing because of that? I made a conscious decision before she was born that I was going to stay at home as long as I possibly could, so that I wouldn't miss any of the little things and so that she wouldn't get confused and call her day care worker "Mommy". I wanted to be able to be there when she was sick and attend all her school functions, field trips, etc. I've devoted my life, since late 2002, to seeing that she eats all her vegetables and washes her hands after she goes to the bathroom or plays in the dirt. I've been there to wipe her nose and kiss her "boo-boos". But, is it enough? Does my daughter, subconsciously, think I'm "nothing"?

The very last thing in this world that I want is to be seen as a failure by my own daughter. She's the one person whose opinion matters to me and the one person that I'll go out of my way or alter myself to please. I know what makes me happy. I'm happiest when I'm able to be with my daughter and do things for her. I was happiest, this past school year, when there was a trip or a party or something and I was able to be there. I would see her face light up as soon as I'd arrive and I was convinced that I had made the right choice in not going back to work. How can that be nothing?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad at my daughter. I'm not blaming her or anything of the sort. I'm just worried that I've given her the wrong impression of me. I do not want to be "nothing" in the eyes of my child. I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I just want to be something that my daughter can grow up to be proud of. I want her to be able to look at me and say, "you know, Mom...you're really SOMETHING".

I'm Just Not Sure

I don't know if I'm liking this medication or not. I don't get the feeling of euphoria that my husband says he experiences. I don't know if I need a higher dosage or if he's exaggerating or I don't know what "euphoria" feels like enough to recognize it or what. All I know is, after I take it, I feel pretty good. Then, I have this overwhelming urge to take a nap. And, now I have a crampy stomach. I don't feel sick, just crampy. It says on the internet that this could be a side effect, so I'm not overly concerned. I just hope it goes away if I'm going to continue to take this stuff. I don't like pain, mental or physical!

I "Love" Being A Mom!

I have managed to catch Alyssa's cold. It stinks when there's a germ going around and you don't have the option of avoiding the person who has it. I love my daughter dearly, and, naturally, wouldn't have avoided her while she was sick, but man! I wish I could have avoided THIS!! I suppose I should be grateful that she didn't have a stomach virus or something. It could have been worse! I've never had the chickenpox either, and she was exposed at least twice this year, so, considering what it could have been, I feel lucky to have a little sniffle! I will just also feel "lucky" when it's gone!!

I Can See the Light

Recital is TOMORROW!!! After which, it will ALL be over! At least until next year. Then we start all over again! Of course, I've managed to catch Alyssa's cold, which I'm thrilled about, but it's just a hazard of the job I suppose. I feel pretty terrible. Alyssa, on the other hand, is feeling better. That's the important thing. She has to dance at 5:00 tomorrow evening, so I want her feeling up to it. I just hate that everything got so mixed up. Apparently, everyone thought that the recital was earlier than it is, so no one is going to be able to come now. It's times like these when I REALLY miss my mom and dad. They would be here, come hell or high water. There wouldn't be any "I have plans" or "I don't have the money" or "I have friends coming over" or any of that. They would be HERE, no matter what they had to do to get here. I really wish they were here for her.

Almost There!!

If this week had been any more hectic, I don't know what I would have done!!! I went to Mississippi on Sunday to see my grandma for Mothers Day. So, at about 1am on Monday morning, my daughter woke up with a fever of 103.3. Naturally, my elderly grandparents don't just keep children's Tylenol lying around and, of course, there's nowhere to BUY something like that at 1am in a small town. So, Grandpa and I had to drive to the ER to pick up some samples that a nurse said she'd give us. Luckily, we managed to bring the fever down. However, by the time I got home later that day, it was back up to 103.5. So, we took her to the clinic and the nurse practitioner, who is very nice, but sometimes her diagnosis makes no sense, said that she "might" have mono. This was based on nothing more than checking her temp and feelings her glands (they were swollen). HELLO?!?!?!?! There are a million things that can cause fever and swollen glands...not JUST mono! Alyssa didn't have ANY of the other "classic" symptoms of mono, including the fatigue, which is the MAIN symptom (due to the fact that mono is caused by the Epstein-Barr virus). At any rate, she now has a cough and such, so I really think it's just some kind of respiratory infection. She's on antibiotics, to be on the safe side.

Then, I had to make the cake for her graduation....with NO help, naturally. It was fun and I really enjoyed it, but it was HARD to do that, get it done on time, while taking care of a sick kid all by myself. You should really try it sometime...no fun!! But, I did it, and my baby graduated from Montessori school today. She'll be a big Kindergartener next year!!

Then, we had dance rehearsal right after the graduation and we'll have the dress rehearsal tomorrow and the recital Saturday afternoon. I swear, if I get through this week without needing drug rehab, I will feel like I've accomplished something!!

What's A Weekend??

Back in the day, the word "weekend" actually meant "end of the week". Since late 2002, a weekend has been just another day. I no longer get weekends "off" or half days either, for that matter. Every day is just like the next. That's not altogether a BAD thing. I enjoy being a mom, for the most part. There's nothing like turning around and having a couple of little arms around your waist, simply because "you looked like you needed a hug". And, having someone come running immediately to you when they get their feelings (or their bodies) hurt, looking to you for comfort that they've grown accustomed to you providing. Or, to look at a little small person and realize that, at least until they hit puberty, you are the smartest person they know! It's amazing to me, and most days, I wouldn't trade my job for anything! It's beyond wonderful!

What To Do?

It's Sunday and I'm a little disappointed. I didn't get to take Alyssa to the circus yesterday and planned to take her today. So, today, lo and behold (no surprise, though), she wakes up with "the sniffles" (or at least that's what it was called to me a few days ago). I don't care WHAT you call it. The point is, I feel like I can't take my child out around other kids and do unto them what was rudely and selfishly done unto me. Therefore, because some parents don't have enough respect for other parents to keep THEIR sick kids away from kids who aren't sick, my daughter will miss the circus! This, my friends, is why I'm a cynical witch who detests people!

Snow??

Anyone who lives in the south knows that snow is a rarity. It'll snow in Texas, usually once, maybe twice, a year, but VERY seldom in Louisiana and Mississippi. However, yesterday, in March, during a time of year when we're SUPPOSED to be moving towards spring, it snowed. It really came down for while yesterday afternoon, shortly after I picked Alyssa up from school. I was so excited that she got to play in it. We built her a mini snowman and had a little snowball fight. Granted, it didn't snow long and didn't accumulate much, but it snowed, all the same. I was told that it snowed overnight, too, and we had two inches on the ground, but I missed it, and by the time we got up, it was melting. It was fun while it lasted, anyway. I got some cute pictures of Alyssa and even a little video. Now all I have to do is find my camera software and reinstall it so I can get the pictures uploaded!

Be Careful, Little Ears, What You Hear

I remember that song from preschool choir at church, when I was no older than my daughter (hence "preschool"...DUH!). I just never really understood the importance until I had my OWN preschooler! I noticed, the other day, that she is a walking carbon copy of the things that she hears and sees. She can quote lines from songs, tv shows, movies, commercials, you name it. Luckily, I have always tried to make sure that the things of that nature that she's exposed to are things that I wouldn't necessarily MIND her repeating, even if hearing "don'cha know?" after every sentence can be annoying at times.

I try very hard to be a good influence on my daughter, as most parents do, but it's not always easy, because I can't walk around all day long singing happy songs and speaking in a chirpy tone. I'm an adult. I have real adult problems. They're problems that my 5 year old wouldn't (and shouldn't) understand or even hear about. But, I'm sure she can sense my demeanor and figure out when something isn't right. And, it affects her mood as well. So, I have to do my best to hide these things. We all want what's best for our kids and if we don't feel like we're giving it to them, we start to second-guess ourselves and wonder if we're going to wind up parenting a juvenile delinquent. Or maybe that's just me? I'm bound and determined to put her in a private school, because I know what I turned out to be, thanks, in part, to the public school system, and I want better for my daughter.

I've often sat and wondered what would happen if I died. Would my daughter have something left of me to be proud of, like I have with my own mother? Have I been a good enough mother to her to balance out the fact that I have no real skills for her to be proud of ? My mother was a stay at home mom with a degree in elementary education. So, even if she had been a bad mom, which she wasn't, I could still brag about the fact that she went to school and had a degree and was a very smart woman. Can my daughter do that? I look at myself NOW and think 'no'. I'm a decent mother, I realize, but I don't, yet, touch what my mother was to me. Then, being a college drop-out on top of that, what will my daughter have to brag about??? I get visions of her, in college, telling her friends, "My mom was "employee of the month" at the Piggly Wiggly", and it makes me sad. Now, don't get me wrong, I've never worked there, but there is NOTHING wrong with a job at a grocery store if you're happy with it and your kids are fed, etc. I'm certainly not knocking anyone with a job AT ALL!! I don't want anyone to think that. I just know that, for MYSELF, I want more!! I'd never be satisfied with that and I want more for myself and my child.

My whole point has been, I want to make sure that I'm a good influence on my child. I want what she sees and hears to be the things that cause her to grow up with a strong sense of self and all the other things that will bring her success in life. It's going to be hard for me, because I've been conditioned to be a negative, cynical person, but there can be no more negativity around my impressionable five year old! I have to make sure that the things she hears shape her into the person I feel like she needs to be!

10 Movies I've Intended to Watch But Haven't

I'm not a movie buff, but there are a few that I've been wanting to see. Some are newer...most are older. But, regardless, here they are:

1. 10 Things I Hate About You--I actually have this one sitting on the shelf, waiting to be watched before it has to go back to Blockbuster.

2. Brokeback Mountain--I've already seen it once, but I've been meaning to watch it again.

3. Dirty Dancing--I'm the only child of the 80s I know of who hasn't seen this one.

4. Wedding Crashers--Greg bought it and said it's HYSTERICAL!

5. The Illusionist--Greg also said this one was good.

6. Casablanca--I'm on a "classic" kick and have wondered what made this movie so great.

7. The Village--heard this one was good.

8. Shaun of the Dead--I love a good "spoof" movie, which, for the record, lets out Date Movie and Epic Movie, because they were NOT "good" spoof movies!!

9. Hairspray--a friend and I were supposed to go to the theater and see this, but we never did.

10. Spaceballs--another one Greg said was hysterical!

So, there you go!!

Maybe I'm In Denial

I went to the grocery store a little while ago, and was chatting it up with the friendly little dude who was ringing up my stuff. Somehow, we got on age, and I watched him "size me up" as he tried to determine MY age. Now, granted, I had on my glasses, hair in a ponytail, makeup ONLY on my eyes, and in a sweatsuit, but when he said "31??", I was floored!! I knew I was getting old, but I didn't think I LOOKED 4 years older than I am! Lucky for him, I'm not offended, but I do wonder if I should start getting life insurance quotes. Apparently, I'm older than I feel! I guess it could have been worse. He could have said 41! Off to use my Mary Kay TimeWise products!

Not Sure Why

I'm having a little depression issue today. It's not too bad, but what bugs me is I have no idea WHY I feel this way. It's just one of those "down-for-no-reason" days. Those annoy me. If I'm going to feel bad, I at least like to know WHY I feel bad. At least then I won't look like an idiot when someone says, "What's wrong?" and I have to say "I dunno". Of course, it's not an "I-can't-get-out-of-bed" day, which I'm thankful for. Just don't know why I keep having fleeting moments of sadness. Just one of those days, I guess. This, too, shall pass.

Uncanny Resemblance

I might have mentioned this before, but my daughter and I are "old people magnets". When she and I are in a store, it seems like every senior citizen there wants to talk to us, which is fine. I like old people, for the most part. There was this one old couple, we'll call them "Bob and Sally Smith", which TOTALLY aren't their real names. They stopped us in Wal-Mart and chatted with us. "Sally" reminded me of my father's mother, who I loathe, but I didn't hold that against her. They told me how cute my daughter was and he gave me his info, because he's an accountant (retired, surely). Not sure why he thought I needed an accountant, but whatever. So, then, "Sally" handed me a little calendar, a notepad, and a pen that all said, "I stole this *object* from 'Sally Smith'". Amusing, yes? Turns out, that woman is all over town passing these little "funnies" out. I was in the grocery store a week or so later, and the pen they had up there for me to sign my slip with was one of those same custom pens from "Sally". I've seen that same couple about a million times since then. They're sweet, but a little odd, I'd say!

My Quest

I've recently decided that I need to make sure that I've seen EVERY movie Heath Ledger ever made. I called myself a fan, and I was, but, after his death, I realized that I'd only seen, like, three, maybe four, of his movies. I'd seen A Knight's Tale, and owned it. I saw The Patriot before I even knew who he was, and, of course, I'd seen Brokeback Mountain. So, last week, we rented Candy, which was his last released movie, made in Australia. It was a pretty good movie. It was a little creepy seeing Heath play a junkie, but he looked REALLY hot! Last night, we watched Lords of Dogtown, where he played Skip, the guy who put the skate team together. They had given him some false teeth and his hair was all scraggly, so he didn't look like his usual hot self, but he did a good job, all the same. I'm not sure which one Greg will come home with next, but I'd love to see 10 Things I Hate About You. I'm sure I've seen part of it, but I don't think I've ever watched the whole movie. I just still can't believe he's gone! :*(

Rebecca's Got Talent?????

My Mother's Day gift last year was the karaoke machine that I'd been BEGGING for. I used to do some singing in high school and college and I LOVE karaoke! Well, recently, I learned how to record my "performances", so I've had a great time doing that. I'm in the process, now, of trying to determine if my recordings are any good or if I should try to re-record them in the hopes that they'll sound better the second (or third) time around. I'm not sure WHY it matters. I suppose because I have a weak recording of my mother singing "The Lord's Prayer" at her wedding, and I cherish it. So, I want to have some recordings of my voice for my daughter to treasure when I'm gone. Or, for me to treasure when I get too old to carry a decent tune!! Either way, I can't make up my mind. I suppose I'm off to re-listen.

Need Suggestions

I'm about to have to embark on something I've never done before. I have to figure out how to decorate a child's bike for a Mardi Gras parade. I'm from Mississippi, for crying out loud! We don't "do" Mardi Gras there! Alyssa is going to be in a parade with her school and her bike has to be decorated. I want to do a good job, but I just don't know where to start. I'd like to do something cuter than just throwing some beads on it and calling it "decorated"! I just don't know.

I also have to go help her pick out a box of Valentines for her class. That should be fun. I haven't had to do that since I was a kid. I'm a little bit excited!

R.I.P.

I am still shocked. I am still deeply shocked and saddened about yesterday's news of Heath Ledger's death. I fell "in love" with this curly haired Aussie when I saw A Knight's Tale in the theater in 2001. From that time, I watched him change his image both on and off screen. I got to feel jealousy when I learned of his relationship with Michelle Williams (didn't he realize that he was supposed to wait for ME???), I got to laugh when I learned that he was going to play a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain. I got to be excited when he was nominated for an Oscar for that role and I got to be irate when he was "robbed". And, yesterday, I got to be devastated when I heard that he is no longer with us. I'm not going to pretend to have known him personally. We never met. But, I do get to feel the grief, mainly for his 2 year old daughter, as I HAVE been in a similar position to where she is today, half-orphaned at a young age. Regardless of the rhyme and reason behind it, this was most definitely a life needlessly lost too early.

Rest In Peace, Heath Ledger (1979-2008)

ARGH!

Why are kids so trying? I love my 5 year old with every fiber of my existence, but geez! I sometimes think she is seriously trying to kill me! She can't understand the concept of "don't break all your crayons in half", no matter how many boxes of crayons we go through. And, if I hear "can I have....?" one more time, followed by "PLEASE???" after I've already said "no", I'm going to go ballistic! I know, I know...she's just a kid. I understand that. But, I just don't recall being THIS obnoxious when I was a kid. I had my moments, yes...but, in my house, "no" meant "no". It didn't mean "continue begging until I give in" and it didn't mean "I might have said no, but please go ask your other parent, in case they think differently". It means "NO"! I'm learning a lot about parenting, but there are some things I still need help with. So, if anyone has any pointers on how to make a child clean her room or how to make her stop pouting when every little thing doesn't go her way, I'd be more than happy to hear them!!

Baby Fever

Yes, I have it. My only "baby" is five years old and I'm emotionally ready for number 2. Physically, though, I'm a mess! I want a baby so badly, but there's no way my body could handle it. I have a friend who is having her second daughter in a matter of weeks (about three, actually) and I'm a little envious. Part of me isn't, because, I know that while she's up and down all night long, I'll be sleeping soundly with my 5 year old. On the other hand, I went to see her nursery today and I really wish I could buy little bitty things and prepare for another love in my life. I suppose I'll maintain what I've always said, which is, there's a Power that's bigger than me, and if God intends that I should ever have another baby, then I will, regardless of what I try to do to prevent it (Alyssa is proof of that). However, if I'm not, then I won't and I'll just enjoy the daughter He's already blessed me with. Hard pill to swallow, but that's what I have to do.

Plans For A Sunday

I usually love Sundays, not for any particular reason, but just because it's another day when I don't have to get up and take Alyssa to school. I need to be going to church on Sunday mornings, and I know this, but I just SO love to sleep. I realize that that's not going to be a good excuse in Heaven, but that's a topic for another blog and I don't want to get into it right now. My point is, I have as little as possible planned for today. We've had company all weekend and now, if we can EVER get rid of all of them (one down, one to go), my life will go back to normal and I can't wait!! I'm going to work on some of my stitching and then, at 6:00, I'm going to go to a church in town and hear Testify sing. I have a good friend who sings with them and I love going to their concerts when they're in town. I'm hoping that Greg will go, but I'm not holding my breath.

Folks Don't Get It

I will never truly understand why people are oblivious. Like, do they not stop to pay even a LITTLE bit of attention to the world (and the attitudes) around them. For instance, if you come to my house, after inviting yourself over here, plan to STAY and I don't speak to you, although we're in the same room, then a logical person would deduce that to mean that I didn't really want you here. DUH!! Some people are a little bit slow, though. And, then, when the person has received every hint that their presence isn't appreciated and still hang around, why must they try to make idle chit-chat with you when it's more than obvious that you're trying to watch TV?? It makes no sense and that's kinda why I'm not a people person!

How Pitiful!

We're watching Celebrity Rehab on VH-1, with "celebs" such as Brigitte Nilson (or however you spell that), Jessica Sierra (from American Idol) and some others, but the saddest case is Jeff Conaway. He used to be so cute in Grease and Taxi, but he is just horrible and sad now. He has to use a cane or a wheelchair to get around and is totally incoherent. You can't understand what he's saying half the time. It just really makes me sad to see. He was such a talented actor and he wasted it all on substance abuse. I'm not even sure what substance he used, but whatever it was, it ruined him. I could just cry because I like him as an actor and he is going to die!

Rainy Day

I'm not really a fan of rain. I don't mind it so much when I have nothing to do and don't have to get out in it, but I actually have things I have to do today, so the fact that it's raining is a little irritating to me. I have to go to the bank and get a few groceries. I also need to go to the mall and return something, but I don't know if that'll happen or not. That can, technically, wait. Oh well, at least it didn't happen yesterday. Everything on my "to do" list yesterday involved Alyssa and it's ten times harder to get her in and out of the rain! I suppose I can be thankful for that!

Geaux Tigers!

We had a party over here last night to watch LSU play in the BCS Championship game. Several of Greg's friends and such came over. It was amusing, I suppose. I could have made do with less children. Of course, the little girls stayed in Alyssa's bedroom and were fine. They were actually cute and endearing and had a great time. I just LOVE little girls! Alyssa had a great time playing, too, which is good, because she doesn't get a lot of interaction. Other than school, she rarely gets to associate with any kids. I feel sorry for her, really. She desperately needs some good, well behaved kids in her life. Hopefully, we can get to Mississippi soon and she can play with some of my friends' and Greg's friends' kids.

At any rate, the point is, LSU pulled it out! I'm not really a fan, but I LOVE Les Miles and I was excited to see him win the championship. It was a good game.

A Not-So-Happy Anniversary

Today is January 5th. It was today, 18 years ago, that my family, as well as the world, lost the most fabulous daughter, sister, wife, and mother ever. My mother passed away 18 years ago today, in 1990, after a short battle with cancer. I was only 10 years old at the time and my sister was just 6. I don't have a lot of memories of my mom, which is the saddest part about the day, but I do remember that she was a devoted mom. Nothing and nobody came above my sister and me in her eyes. We had homemade birthday cakes with interesting party themes. She was a room mother for my class at school every year, going above and beyond the call of duty to ensure that my elementary years were as memorable as possible. Unfortunately, as far as memories are concerned, the happiness she caused was overshadowed by the painful memory of her loss. I guess that's how it works. All I know is, I pray every day and strive to be half the mother to my little girl that she was to me!

It's OVER!!

FINALLY!! Christmas is OVER!! I was well pleased with the whole holiday, aside from my kid being sick...again. She and I spent Christmas Eve night riding around looking at Christmas lights in the different neighborhoods. Then, Christmas morning, we got up to see what Santa had brought her. She got a little basketball goal (just her size), a Chat Diva Barbie, an ice cream maker and cute little ice cream bowls. She also got a Webkinz, a Lite Brite, a set of bongos and a bunch of cute things. Anyway, after that was over, we all loaded up, went and picked Greg's son up from his mom's and we all went down to my mother-in-law's house and opened our family gifts there. Alyssa got a set of golf clubs, a FurReal gorilla, a Hannah Montana doll, a princess watch from her brother and a Nintendo DS Lite with a game. I was really excited because I got a nail care set from that kiosk in the mall (LOVE that stuff), the camera I wanted, and a beautiful butterfly necklace. I think the necklace is my favorite, simply because my little girl picked it out all by herself! Greg took her to the store and basically turned her loose. He said she walked around, looking, and all of a sudden she stopped, put her hands over her mouth and whispered, "Daddy...it's PERFECT!!" He said he showed her heart shaped necklaces and such but she would not be moved. She said the butterfly was "perfect for Mommy because she likes butterflies and so do I". So, that's the gift I will most cherish.

When we left my mother-in-law's, Alyssa and I went to Mississippi to spend the remainder of Christmas Day with my family. We spent the night at my grandparents' house and came back yesterday, just in time for me to take Alyssa to the doctor to get medicine for what appears to be a respiratory infection. Yay! Her cough sounds so bad...I just wish there were more I could do for her. I hate it when my baby isn't feeling good. She doesn't feel bad...she isn't acting "off" or anything...she just has a horrible cough. Poor baby.

Poor Neglected Blog

Since the demise of my former computer cord (at the hands...or should I say teeth...of the puppy), I have missed a lot of my online time. I haven't been able to maintain my blog to the extent that I usually try to. The good news is, my new cord came in yesterday, so I'm back up and running! Speaking of running...have I mentioned that I am going nuts with all this Christmas stuff? The only thing I've managed to get is a few gifts for Alyssa and one for Greg. Oh, and the stuff for Alyssa's classmates and teachers. Of course, I'm the only one who has really been focused on Alyssa's Christmas. That's nothing unusual. Lucky for her, she's my only focus, to speak of, so she'll always know that I'm thinking of her best interest. I don't guess I'd have that any other way, as far as I'm concerned. I'm just ready for Christmas to be over. It's getting to the annoying part.

I Hate My Dog

Getting my daughter a puppy for her birthday has proven to be the BIGGEST mistake I've made in a LONG time! The thing uses my house as her personal potty and now she's managed to chew my laptop cord beyond repair. I really don't know how she didn't get electrocuted, but my adapter is history. I've got to order a new one and, in the meantime, I can't get on my computer. I'm having to use my husband's laptop in his office, which makes me feel very isolated, as I'm used to doing all my computer work in the comfort of my living room, while stretched across the loveseat. Now, I'm having to actually SIT...at a DESK...in a CHAIR...WHAT?!?!?!?! I hope I can get my adapter soon, so I can go back to "business as usual".

My Diet

I'm becoming more and more proud of myself. In a matter of a few short weeks, I have added applesauce, baked turkey, and mixed nuts to my diet. This probably doesn't seem like much to the average person, but I'm proud of myself! I've decided to add at least one new thing every week, until I can eat enough to at least FEEL normal and possibly get more nutrients into my system. I'm starting to notice things going wrong with my body. For instance, my short term memory is suffering and my fingernails are starting to get rigid. I just want to get myself healthy again, even if I never enter another restaurant. I want to at least be able to feed myself healthy foods at home, you know?

For Her Own Good

She's not going to like it, and I'm a little late, but Alyssa is going to get a flu shot. I wanted to give it to her a month ago, but she kept on getting sick and they wouldn't give it to her while she was sick and running a fever. I've FINALLY gotten her well, so we're going to go. I need to get one as well, but I'm not as worried about ME as I am HER. I don't tend to put my fingers in my mouth and I try to avoid people (sick AND well) at all costs! I don't WANT to let them stick a needle in my baby girl. I was always the one blubbering and crying when she had to get her shots as a baby, but I know it's for her own good. The flu is a nasty thing and I want to keep my little girl as well as possible this winter!

Back To School

Today was Alyssa's first day back after her Thanksgiving holiday. It was her very first REAL holiday since she started to school. I just hate the whole thing sucked out loud. I had SO many things I wanted to do, none of which I managed to actually do, with the exception of going to Mississippi. Oh well. There's always Christmas, I suppose.

I always freak out when she goes to school. I guess it's because she's only been in school for right at three months and has been sick three times already. I just worry about all the contact she has with other kids when I'm not around to remind her not to put her fingers in her mouth after playing with a toy that a kid gave her after wiping snot off his or her nose. Nasty, I realize, but kids are nasty little creatures!! I've tried to instill in my child the importance of hand washing and keeping her hands away from her mouth, but she is still only five years old and doesn't remember EVERYTHING I've told her! All I can do is hope and pray, really.

My Turn Yet?

I'd like to get a little time too....a little time when I get to shuck my parental responsibilities and throw my kid off on someone else. I need a break just as much, if not more, than anyone else I know...and, yet, I'm the ONLY one who doesn't get that. I'll never, as long as I live, understand why God would give me a child KNOWING that I'm not going to have parents or in-laws to help me and offer me a break from time to time. I'm basically alone here. It's great, and I say that sarcastically. I will NEVER find this element of my life to be fair. I do the best I can. I'm devoted and faithful. I'm creative and selfless, in most cases. I always put my daughter ahead of myself and I've sacrificed SO much just so she can have things she wants or needs. So, when is it going to be MY turn to reap a benefit?

The Song In My Head

Ever since I rewatched yesterday's episode of General Hospital I've had this song stuck in my head. It was a real tearjearking moment, with Nikolas hysterical over Emily's dead body, pointing a gun at his own chest in a real "Romeo and Juliet" type moment, and Jason risking his own life for the love of Elizabeth, etc. Anyway, the song was called "Underneath the Night" and it's by a girl named Rie Sinclair. It's a beautiful song and I can't wait for it to be added to iTunes so I can buy it and put it on my iPod! I was in tears during that part of the show. I'm not sure if it was the song or the fact that they were displaying a type of love on that show that is unlike anything I've ever experienced myself and I'm pretty sure doesn't even exist in real life. Whatever it was, it struck an emotional cord with me.

Sick Baby

I had to take Alyssa to the doctor yesterday, after a coughing fit unlike anything I've ever seen in my child. They told me she has bronchiolitis. That's something I'm not familiar with, but they gave her an antibiotic, which is kinda silly, since bronchiolitis is viral and won't be cured with an antibiotic...but whatever! They also gave me some cough medicine which is about as powerful as a sugar pill and some Albuterol. I don't know what does what but I just want my baby well. It's miserable to hear her coughing and know that I can't do anything to help her.

On top of that, my mother in law is in the hospital again in Shreveport, so I've been doing the majority of Alyssa's illness by myself, because Greg has been in Shreveport with his mom and brother. I just want everyone to be okay so life can go on like normal again!!

Update Time

Well, she did it. She missed the party. I felt bad for her, because she REALLY wanted to go and was so disappointed that her fever lingered so she couldn't go. I just hope the mom doesn't think I wasn't telling the truth. I'm always so paranoid when it comes to things like that. I don't want anyone to think I'm avoiding their kid's party for whatever reason. I really wanted her to go to this one because this girl came to hers and paybacks are important to me. I did get a gift for her, though, which we will be delivering to school next week.

Aside from that, she seems to be feeling a bit better. Her temp was down to 99.0 last time I took it. The highest it got to was 101.1. Of course, as usual, I've been going it alone, which sucks. I need a day off!

Why Fridays???

My daughter is about 8 weeks into her first year of preschool. She only goes 3 days a week for 3 hours a day, so that's a total of 9 hours a week, and YET, we're going on our third illness. And, they ALWAYS start on Friday. And the last two have been the Friday before someone's birthday party on Saturday. She's been invited to three parties and is about to miss her second one out of the three. I'm seriously considering homeschooling next year because I can't take this stress! Luckily, this one doesn't seem too bad (knock on processed particleboard), so there's still a chance she might get to attend the party after all, and, at the very least, she might not miss another day of school. I just hate when she's under the weather.

Ten On Tuesday

Today's "Ten on Tuesday" theme is "10 Words to Describe Me". This should be fun!

1. Moody--seriously, I can go from 0 to bitch in NO time!

2. Impatient--when I want something, I want it NOW!!

3. Devoted--I may not be the most patient mom in the world, but I'm sure as heck dedicated to it!

4. Creative--I'm always looking for ways to express myself artistically.

5. Loud--I WILL be heard, no matter what!

6. Sentimental--I cry every year on my baby's birthday (and sometimes my own--only for a different reason!)

7. Childish--don't we ALL have our moments?????

8. Mental--I haven't eaten a meal in almost 4 years, for crying out loud....you don't get more crazy than that without being committed!

9. Overwhelmed--I want so much more out of my life than I know how to get.

10. Multi-faceted--this is the BEST word to describe me!

Naptime!

I've only been up a little over an hour, but I think I could take a nap! My sister and her boyfriend came in last night and spent the night here on their way to Arlington to pick up his "newsed" car and we stayed up talking until midnight. Then, I got up at 7:30, although I had been awake for a while. And now, at 8:47, I'm tired again. Luckily, I don't have all that much on my agenda for the day, so maybe I can get a nap later. I'm hoping that Tara and Kevin will decide to stay here again tonight, because I get very little time to really spend with my sister. Maybe they'll come back.

Game Day

I'll be the first one to say "who cares", generally, but this particular matchup should be fun to watch. LSU is playing Alabama today. The "fun" part is, Alabama's coach, Nick Saban, used to coach LSU and let them to the National Championship, which they won, in 2003. He decided to take a job coaching the Miami Dolphins and a lot of LSU fans got pretty fired up about that. So, now he's coaching Alabama and all the LSU fans are hoping for a HUGE win! I'm not sure if they'll get HUGE, but I know they have a good chance to win, because LSU is a great team. Don't get me wrong, I don't know much about football, nor do I care, but even I can read scores and records! GEAUX TIGERS!!!

Ready to Go!

Halloween is tomorrow and I'm ready! We went yesterday and finished up Alyssa's "Cinderella" costume and today, I went to her school and helped the director with the candy and goodies for tomorrow's "Treats on the Street". I got to help sort out and then deliver the treats to the local businesses they'll be going to. It was a lot of fun to do, and I know that it's for a good cause, because the kids will LOVE it!

So, after that, we'll go to dance class. Then, we'll do the Halloween thing tomorrow night. I don't know if we'll go trick-or-treating or if we'll hit a fall festival or something. I can't make up my mind, but either way, we'll do something fun for Alyssa!

Neglected

I've neglected my blog for the last couple of days. I'm still tired from tending to a sick kid (who seems to be on the mend, finally), getting her ready for school, getting myself ready every morning, feeding her, feeding the dog, taking the dog out, taking her to school, etc. ALL by myself! I've decided I might try to father the next one, because apparently, when you're the father, your sole responsibility is paying the bills, and you even get to complain about how you get no help with that! Sounds like the life to me!

So, I'm going to have to work on keeping my blog updated better. I've already gotten a lot of my "chores" out of the way...now all I have to do is straighten up my house, go pick up my kid, take her to the costume store, go to the grocery store, MAYBE the bank, carve a pumpkin, do some laundry, give my child a bath, wash her hair, feed her, and put her in bed. And, those are just the things I have PLANNED....every mother knows that there's ALWAYS something that just "comes up". *sigh* I wish I were still in the bed, too!

My Husband

I copied this from Loretta because I LUVS her! :) It's all about my husband!

Lots of questions about you and your hubby.

What is his name?
Gregory Shane Williamson

How long have you been together?
almost 7 years (next month)


How long did you date?
about a year and a half

How old is he?
36 (I like 'em OLD!!)

Who eats more?
Definitely him!

Who said I love you first?
I honestly don't remember!

Who is taller?
He is, but not by much

Who sings better?
Definitely me!

Who is smarter?
Hard to say....we both have our areas of expertise

Whose temper is worse?
Again, it depends....it's easier to set me off, but he tends to be louder and scarier ;)

Who does the laundry?
We both do...I do mine and our daughter's and he does his....we kinda take turns doing towels


Who does the dishes?
whoever decides to first

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
usually him, when we sleep together (he snores!)


Who pays the bills?
He does....I help when necessary and possible, but he does it for the most part

Who mows the lawn?
Bayou Boys...but he pays them!

Who cooks dinner?
Whoever takes a notion

Who drives when you are together?
It just depends....sometimes I do, sometimes he does

Who is more stubborn?
we both are....we're tauruses and butt heads on a regular basis!

Who is the first to admit when they are wrong?
Hmmmm....neither of us likes to do that, but I'd have to say I probably do it more than him (but that doesn't happen often, either, because I'm seldom wrong!) LOL!


Whose parents do you see the most?
My parents are dead, so we definitely see his mom more

Who kissed who first?
we were both "there", but he's the one who asked if he could kiss me (yes, he ASKED! Sweet, huh?)

Who asked who out?
I don't remember

Who proposed?
Alyssa....or should I say, the EPT with the pink line?


Who is more sensitive?
We both have our moments....I'm more emotionally sensitive, but he gets his feelings hurt easier, if that makes sense

Who has more friends?
He does...I keep moving too far away from mine!

Who has more siblings?
We have the same number of "real" siblings, but I think he has a couple of half-brothers out there somewhere

Who wears the pants in the family?
I'd like to say I did, so I wouldn't sound like a "yes sir" kind of a girl, but that wouldn't necessarily be true. At the same time, I don't feel like I'm "bossed around" all that much, so maybe we both do.

The Day's Events

Today was Alyssa's first time to go to school in almost a week. Technically, she didn't even go TO school. We met her class up at the pumpkin patch. It was fun for the kids. They decorated tiny pumpkins (gourds, actually) and played and learned about pumpkins and heard a story. Then they went outside and played for a bit, running around among the pumpkins. After that, we went out to the park for a classmate's birthday party. It was a LOT of outside time and it was COLD outside, so I'm praying that I didn't make a wrong decision in letting her go. She was looking so forward to it that I hated to make her miss it, but I just hope her cough doesn't get worse as a result. So far, so good, but time will tell!

Worry Wart

I'll admit it. I'm almost psychotic when it comes to my daughter. I'm sure she thinks I'm a nut. Any time she acts a little "off", I'm constantly asking her, "how do you feel?", "Does your tummy hurt?", "Does your throat hurt?", etc. I just can't help it. I'm obsessed with my child's health and it worries ME. Earlier she was complaining with a sore throat and then she went to sleep, which is odd for her. Now, she's awake and she's playing and she doesn't feel warm and she says her throat isn't hurting, but I don't know. I just hate not knowing what's going on in my child's mind and/or her body. This "mother" thing is hard!!

I'm A Bad Mom

I'm a terrible mommy. I make my child take her school clothes off when she gets home. I make her wash her hands before she eats and after she uses the potty and after she plays with the dog. I make her go to bed at 8:00 and I make her eat vegetables. I make her say "please" and "thank you" and "excuse me" and "I'm sorry". I make her take small bites of her food and chew them up well before she swallows. I make her take a bath and wash her hair on a regular basis. When she's sick, I make her take medicine and rest. I make her come inside when it's dark and I make her wear bug spray when she's outside. I'm a mean, bad, horrible mommy and one day she'll thank me for it, especially when SHE becomes a "mean, bad, horrible" mommy herself!

I Wish I Had Known

Someone should have informed me that a puppy was going to be a pain in my backside! She whines, she poops EVERYWHERE (except outside, where she's SUPPOSED to go), she smells, she eats things she shouldn't eat....she is getting on my NERVES!!!! In my "patient" moments, I can handle it, but I'm, by nature, not a patient person and this dog works my nerves! It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't the ONLY person who could fool with her. It's not that my husband hasn't tried, but she refuses to potty outside for him. I'm not sure why that is, but she won't do it. She'll only potty for me. Go figure! So, I'm the one who has to go outside in the freezing cold or awful heat (whichever we're having that day) and wait for the dog to pee...or whatever. UGH!! I didn't want to regret the decision to get Alyssa a dog for her birthday, but I'm really starting to!

Weekend To-Do

I have several things to do this weekend. I don't feel all that great, so I don't know if I'll get them all accomplished or not, but I'm going to try.

1. LAUNDRY--I've already started on this, but I have SO much more to do!

2. work on stitching--been doing this, but I have to do more

3. take a picture of Piper--Alyssa needs one for school on Monday

4. clean my bedroom--it's a huge mess!!

5. clean Alyssa's bedroom--had this done, but try to convince a 5 year old to leave it clean!


That's all I can THINK of, at the moment, but I'm sure stuff will come up.

A Step

Most of you are going to laugh and think "what the heck?" when I say this, but I've taken, what I see as, a major step in my eating disorder recovery. It was a simple step, but a major step. I chewed a piece of gum for the first time in almost 3 years! Seems simple, but I haven't had any, mostly for fear that the peppermint would aggravate my acid reflux. But, I survived, as I was pretty sure I would. It's just GUM, after all. It's not like you technically "eat" it!

I've got to do something to help myself. I will die if I continue this way. I'm losing weight again and, for most that would be a great thing. But, for me, it's scary because I KNOW that I'm not getting the nutrition or sustenance that I need for survival. If I drop too much weight, I'm going to look as bad as I did 3 years ago, which was rather frightening!

Aftermath

Okay, I know this is like beating a dead horse, but I can't express how glad I am that this birthday and birthday party are OVER!!!! I love my daughter more than anything in my life, but this past few weeks have been incredibly tiring for me. I, singlehandedly, made 30 invitations, 20 goody bags, 24 cupcakes, 3 2-layer cakes, wrapped several gifts and bought a puppy! I'm TIRED!!!! But, the funny thing is, I would do it all over again. I didn't hate it. I loved seeing the look on my child's face and having her be the center of attention. As weird as it sounds, I almost wish that kids had 2 birthdays a year...not necessarily to AGE, because I don't want THAT to go any faster, but I enjoyed celebrating her existence, and I would love to get to do that more than once a year.

Yucky

I haven't been feeling all that great today. I'm having one of those days where, according to the numbers, I'm not running a fever, but I FEEL like I could be, know what I mean? I've taken my temp and it's actually below normal, so there's no chance that I'm actually sick, which is great, because who wants to be sick. But, I still feel lousy. I'm sure this has something to do with the fact that I'm exhausted. I ran myself ragged getting ready for Alyssa's party and now I have a puppy to contend with. I just haven't gotten the sleep I need to be getting. And, Alyssa has had 4 days of school this week, instead of her usual three, so I'm having to get up early an extra day. Of course, I have to get up early anyway, because I have to take the puppy out, but whatever. And, naturally, my "visitor" has been here this week, and that isn't helping the situation. But, hopefully I'll feel better next week.

It's Going

We've had our puppy for 4 days and house training is going...and that's about all I can say. She'll "tinkle" outside some, but has yet to do "the other" out there. She's such a sweet puppy and I know I'll really enjoy her company once she becomes more like company and less like another job! I'm tired of cleaning up poop and other excrements off my floor!

Greg and I gave her a bath tonight and she looks and smells SO much better. I just need to get another bow for her hair because the rubber band broke on hers. She looks so pretty with her bow! I have to take a picture of her tomorrow and get it developed for Alyssa's pet day at school on Monday. I'm so glad she has a pet to take.

Today

I've had a busy day today already and it's only 10:00! I had to get up at 7:00, take the dog outside and then mop the laundry room floor where she'd already pottied and clean out her crate, etc. I took Alyssa to school, then went to Wal-Mart to grab some dog shampoo, Febreeze, a pumpkin for Alyssa's school and things like that. While I was there, I also grabbed some Thank You notes for her to give to all the kids who came to her party this weekend. I haven't decided yet if I'm going to mail them out or just put them in the kids' mailboxes at school. I don't guess it matters, just as long as they get them. Now, I'm going to give Piper a bath and start writing the notes. I'm going to write them and have Alyssa sign her own name. I thought that would be adorable and thoughtful!

Just In Time

I took Alyssa to school today and she was excitedly telling her teacher about her new puppy and her teacher told me that she got that "just in time". They're about to have a special pet week at school, where all the kids are going to bring pictures of their pets and tell about them. She said they were talking about it last week and Alyssa got very sad because she was the only kid in her class who didn't have a pet! And, now she does and I'm happy for her! I had no idea that she was the only one and that they were doing "pet week". Now I'M glad she has one, too! Granted, I'm tired from having to clean up after her and take her outside when she's not even trying to potty outside, but for my daughter's sake, I'm glad she's here. And, now, I must go give said dog a BATH because she REEKS!!

Why Do I Bother?

I've been all excited for several weeks now, thinking that SOMEONE was going to come to represent my family at Alyssa's birthday party. No one from my family EVER comes. So this year, my sister was speaking positively and so were my grandparents. Then, my sister declined, due to the air conditioner in her car being out and it being a 4 hour drive from there to here (can't blame her for that one). It was okay anyway, because my grandparents were still coming. Then, today, I talked to my grandpa and he said that they weren't going to be able to come either. So, once again, there will be NO ONE from my family there. UGH!! It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't counting on someone coming. I guess that's what happens when I look too forward to something. The show must go on, I suppose. It's times like these when I REALLY wish I had parents. I don't understand why God took my daughter's grandparents LONG before her birth, and then makes it so that none of the rest of them can come to her parties, either. I don't get it! Oh well.

Thursday's To-Do List

Everything I'm doing nowadays is in preparation for Alyssa's party this weekend. I'm trying to do things bit by bit because if I don't, I'll go insane!! So, here's what I have to do tomorrow:

1. Bake 3 2-layer cakes

2. Make a fondant rainbow (or three)

3. clean my living room, kitchen, and bathroom

4. wrap Alyssa's gifts from grandparents

I hope I can get that done.

Happy Birthday, Alyssa

Today was my baby's 5th birthday. We woke her up and had a couple of gifts, some flowers, and a donut with a candle in it. Her gifts were a Barbie in The Island Princess DVD and a Cabbage Patch Kid. Granted, she already HAS two Cabbage Patch Kids, but this one was one I searched for for about 2 years. It has her birthday!

Then we had the Celebration of Life at her school. That was sweet. The teacher lit a candle in the middle of the carpet, symbolizing the sun. I had written a story about Alyssa's life and brought some pictures, as I was instructed. So, while the teacher read the story, Alyssa would pass around her pictures and then the teacher would give her a globe each time she finished a year in the story and Alyssa would walk around the candle, "circling the sun". It was really adorable. And, we had cupcakes after that.

Now, I'm just preparing for the party. We're having it at Excalibur on Saturday and, so far, I've had 14 kids confirm that they could come and there are still 4 or 5 I haven't heard from. I'm thinking this will be a successful party and I'm pumped up about it.

Titanic

I'm amazed at how many movies have been made about this tragedy. I'm currently "watching" one from 1996 that has Peter Gallagher, Tim Curry, and several others in it. It's like watching the James Cameron one with different actors. There are only so many different ways to tell this story! Granted, I'm intrigued by the whole ordeal and I've done a lot of research on it, but geez! Talk about beating a dead horse! I don't want to bust anyone's bubble if they haven't seen ALL the movies, but....the ship sinks....every time. Sorry.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things about Rebecca Here is my first Thursday Thirteen in a LONG time...not sure how I kept NOT doing it, but I did. Anyway, my daughter's 5th birthday is next Wednesday and her party is next Saturday. So, here is my list of 13 Things I Have To Get Done By Party Time: 1. Finish buying all the cake mixes and icing mixes I'm going to need to make a 3 tiered cake AND cupcakes for her class on Wednesday. 2. Get gift cards and certificates to PetCo and Choices (a store down the road that has adorable dog clothes and accessories). 3. Go to Choices and get one of those cute little doggy birthday hats for the puppy. 4. Get a kennel for the puppy so Excalibur will let her into the party. 5. Finish up her gift from my grandparents (she's getting clothes, which they have given me the money to purchase). 6. Write her story and get pictures together for her "Celebration of Life" at her school. 7. Bake cupcakes (that'll happen on Tuesday) 8. Bake cake (that'll be on Thursday) 9. Decorate cake (which will happen on Friday) 10. Make goody bags 11. Buy streamers to decorate party room 12. Charge camera batteries 13. And, most importantly, pick up the puppy!! If I forget THAT, my baby will have no gift from Mommy and Daddy! So, there you are...it's going to be a busy week for me! Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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I LOVE This Movie!!

I'm sitting here, on a Friday night, alone, watching Forrest Gump for about the MILLIONTH time! I OWN this movie on DVD, for crying out loud! I just can't get enough. Everyone needs a Forrest Gump in their life. Where's MY Forrest? You know, that person who will love you, no matter how badly you mess up your life? Jenny totally didn't deserve Forrest! But, the fact that he loved her unconditionally, for as long as she lived, no matter how high she was or what mess she made of herself, is absolutely precious. It was like he was too naive to see what she was. But, that's beside the point. The point is, I LOVE this movie! A sequel to that movie would have made a killing!

Just Thinking

I'm watching this Lifetime movie (yeah, I know....I was asking for it) and it got me to thinking. The movie is called Custody and it's about this little girl whose mother died when she was younger and, since then, she has been raised by her dad. They're incredibly close and she's a happy, well-adjusted teenager. In walks this other man. Turns out, he was married to her mother a long time ago (which the girl didn't know), and he is her father. He left her mom when she got pregnant. Anyway, so he's rich and wants to "get to know her". So, she starts spending time with him and begins to like him....that is, until he petitions, and wins, full custody and moves her to California. It's then that she realizes that he's too busy for her and she wants to go home to the man who has been her "daddy" for as long as she can remember. I can't tell you how it ends, yet, because it's not over.

Anyway, what I thought about is this. I wonder if it's selfish to ALMOST wish that I had another man who would step up and be my biological father. Not that I didn't have an AWESOME father, because I did. It would just be really great, at this point, to have another chance to have a dad. But, because my mother was only married once, to my dad, and I am his biological child, then I'll NEVER get any more parents. But, it would still be interesting to get to start over.

Okay, so the movie's over and the biological father just decided that the best thing for the girl was to let the other man have her, since he's been her dad all along. Sweet ending. Happy ending. That's the stuff that fiction is made of.

Monday Yuck!

Today was supposed to be Alyssa's first full day of school. Last week was just orientation, so it only lasted an hour and a half. So, today, she was supposed to go from 8:30 until 11:30...but she's home sick. Go figure. She spent a grand total of 6 hours around other kids last week and picked up a cold. So much for breastfeeding for 20 months and cooking vegetables and administering Princess vitamins! Apparently they don't help much! Luckily, it doesn't seem to be a BAD cold...just enough to where I thought it better to let her miss one day of school. She only goes 3 days a week, so her next day isn't until Wednesday anyway, so she'll have today and tomorrow to rest and recover and she should be good by Wednesday.

Blah

I feel a little rough today. Alyssa is coming down with a cold (hopefully a mild one) and I just don't feel good. I don't have any symptoms, really, other than just tiredness and a less-than-great feeling in my stomach, but that stomach thing is a regular occurance for me and not likely anything major. I'll be fine. I just worry about Alyssa. Her school handbook said that a child who hasn't been in daycare and such can be expected to have between 15-20 colds during their first year of school. That's more than a cold a month! She's going to STAY sick! I'll never see my daughter without the sniffles again! I'm not liking this school thing AT ALL!! I'm seriously considering home schooling her.

My Saturday

This day started out not-so-great. I had to get up at 5:00am for a reason that I can't talk about right now because it will just "re-tick" me off! Suffice it to say that SOME of us mothers take responsibility for our own kids and some don't!

After that, and a nap, Alyssa and I went over to Petco to browse. She likes to look at the different animals and I was trying to nonchalantly check out the puppy things. My plan is to give her a gift card on her birthday and then we can go with her to take the puppy to Petco so she can pick out the essentials for her and "buy them herself". I thought it would be more fun that way, since pets are allowed to go into the store! I'm really beginning to look forward to this puppy. She's adorable!! I just hope I don't lose my religion trying to housebreak her!

Almost Time

My best friend leaves tomorrow for her long-awaited trip to Europe. I just hope she's able to see and do all the things she wants. She's been researching the sights and attractions for MONTHS now and probably has a long list of things to do. For instance, she told me that she wants to get a picture of a red phone booth in London and maybe check out a few london bars. She should definitely check on trustedplaces.com to see where she should and shouldn't go, being as she'll be a foreigner and isn't remotely familiar with the countries she'll be visiting. Besides London, she'll be going to Belgium, France, and possibly Italy. She'll be going all over! She definitely needs some hints on places to see and things to avoid!

Mixed Emotions

I am such a sap! I'm sitting here, at 8:31 on Monday morning, Labor Day, and I'm bawling like a newborn! Why, you might ask? Because, attached to my left arm is a beautiful little 4 year old girl, who will be starting preschool tomorrow. Now, I realize that for some of you, this seems silly, because it's only PREschool and she's just going for 3 hours a day, 3 days a week! But, to me, it's HUGE! That means this is the very last day that my daughter won't be classified as a "student". From tomorrow on, she'll be in school August-May, not including major holidays and weekends. She'll have homework during those months that I'll help her with and then I'll watch as she deserts me to go play with her little school friends without even saying "thank you". All this will take place until she's at least 18 (hopefully older, because I want her to go to college). So, today is the last day of my daughter's "babyhood" and I'm not sure I can stand it!

I'm a Bloody Target

I'm a target for all the bad drivers in Monroe! A few months ago, I was driving down the interstate, minding my business, and some "girl" in a white SUV decided that, rather than waiting for me to pass by, she would just merge in on top of me! And, if that wasn't bad enough, she just drove off! I had to call the cops and they tracked her down. Crazy, right? So, Alyssa and I were in a shopping center a week or so ago, shopping for a bird feeder for her school, and while we were there, I decided to stop by Spoiled Rotten, which is a store with grossly overpriced, but adorable, clothes for kids. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, Alyssa jumped up and said she had forgotten her purse in Spoiled Rotten. Granted, there was nothing IN the purse, but I remember a time when I left a Clifford the Dog sticker under a rack at Fred's and my mother wouldn't go back and let me get it (understandably so). I remember being crushed and devastated at the loss of my sticker and I vowed that, if there were any way possible, I would always return to try to find anything my child left in a store. So far, in my daughter's 5 years, I have had to go back to McRae's for a toy phone, SteinMart for a purse (different purse) and Wal-Mart for....something....I can't even remember what it was. Anyway, long story short, I pull out onto the road and then loop back into the parking lot to go back to Spoiled Rotten to get the purse and as soon as I got in, someone hit me! Luckily, he was very nice about it, admitted his fault and gave me his insurance info. It didn't do any real damage, though, and Greg said we wouldn't even bother filing it or fixing it. It just scratched the paint a bit...no biggie! But, I am such a target!!!

Three Little Kittens

I've practiced being the "crazy old cat lady" today. We have a cat and her kittens living in our backyard and I'm in love! I invited them in briefly today to play with my daughter and stepson. There are two girls and a boy. The boy and one of the girls are almost identical. The only difference, really, is the color of their eyes. He has green eyes and she has blue eyes. The other girl is black and white striped. Anyway, the point is, I named the black and white one Delilah. The other girl is Skylah, because her eyes are blue, like the sky, and her brother is Fugly, because he's just really not as pretty as the other two. I'd love to keep Delilah, but on the other hand, I'm badly wanting a puppy and I know that my husband wouldn't go for having TWO animals!

My Monday To-Do

I've already missed the number one thing on my list. I was planning to go to Alyssa's school and pay her tuition and fees, but I didn't wake up until 10 minutes before I was supposed to be there. I talked to her teacher yesterday, and I got the impression that she'd rather me wait until Wednesday anyway, so I figure that's what I'll do. So, with that in mind, here's my "to-do" list for today. I always forget to post later and tell how much of it I got done, but I'll try my best to remember tonight.

1. Work more on Alyssa's flower pot and bird feeder
2. Go to post office and mail some things
3. MORE LAUNDRY--it never ends!!!!
4. Go to Hobby Lobby and buy some dark yellow paint
5. Work more on Christmas stocking

That's all I can think of for today.

Things I Need To Do

Here is my list of things I need to accomplish today. I don't know that I'll get them all done, cause I feel like a mess, but I intend to try!

1. LAUNDRY....lots and lots of laundry!!
2. Change my sheets (technically goes under "laundry", but whatever.
3. Clean my room...it's a MESS!!
4. Go to the post office and mail stuff that I've had forever.
5. Start painting Alyssa's flower pot.
6. Glue letters on Ethan's plaque.
7. Give Alyssa a bath....that shouldn't have to be on the list, but I can't ever remember until bedtime.

So, there you have it. I'll post later tonight to let you know how I did! :)

Hysterical Mommy Story

Okay...just a little setup here. For those who don't know (and I can't imagine who wouldn't since her picture is all over my profile), I have a 4 year old daughter, Alyssa. Well, I have a habit of giving her all the junk mail we recieve, all the stuff addressed to "resident", etc. because she LOVES to get "mail". So, I got out of the shower a few minutes ago and found her sitting on the loveseat, with huge tears running down her cheeks. It appeared she had been crying for awhile. So, I said, "What's wrong, baby?" and she grabbed her piece of "resident" mail I had given her and said, "I got a letter from the cops". So, I looked, and, sure enough, it was an ad for the Crime Stoppers of Ouachita! It had a picture of handcuffs and such as that. She was scared silly that they were coming to put her in jail because she was bad to her Mommy and Daddy! Poor thing!! I tried really hard not to laugh as I explained to her what the "letter" was really about. Luckily, I think she feels better now!

LONG Weekend

I had a long, but great weekend. We left Friday afternoon and spent the night in Madison with my husband's friend. Then we left Saturday morning to go to a cookout reunion for my first high school that I attended from 7th-11th grade. It lasted from 11:00 until 1:00 and I got to see a ton of great people. Then, I was supposed to go to my grandparents' house in Carthage, drop Alyssa off and go to Philadelphia to the reunion for the high school that I went to my senior year and graduated from. But, at the last minute, I decided that I wanted to go to the one for the same high school that had the cookout, because I didn't figure there would be too many people at the other one that I cared to see. There was only one person that I liked going, as far as I knew at the time (turns out there were a few more that showed up, but whatever). So, we went to Carthage and my daughter spent the night with my grandparents and we went back to Meridian to the country club. We had a good time. I loved reuniting with my old friends and I think Greg even enjoyed himself, once he realized they had beer there! It was great to see everyone that I hadn't seen in 10 or 11 years. I wish I could have been at both, but there was only one of me! :)

Reunion Preparations

I'm almost ready. My high school reunions (yes, that's plural) are this weekend and I'm just about ready to go. I went today and had my nails done and my eyebrows waxed. My beautician friend, Kelly, is coming over tonight to retouch my highlights for me. A lot of people would wonder why I'm bothering, and I can tell you exactly why. In high school, I was fat and I was incredibly unattractive. Seriously. The kids would "moo" at me when I was standing at my locker! It was bad. NOW, at the age of 28, I wear a size 10 (and on a girl who's 5'8", that's not too shabby) and I feel like I look a LOT better than I did then. So, I'm excited about showing it! If I see ONE jaw drop, it will be well worth it!

Plans for Today

I honestly have none. We checked the weather and the heat index for today is 110 degrees. So, I'm planning on staying inside as much as possible! I have no desire to be out in the heat. I hesitate to say that I'll be glad when it gets to be winter, because I don't like to be cold, either, but something in between is good! I like it when I can wear jeans and a short sleeved shirt. That's my most favorite kind of weather. I have a class reunion this weekend and the cookout part is outside. I seriously hope we don't fry! The forecast is saying it's only going to be 93 degrees on Sunday, which, to us, is going to feel like we're in the middle of a cold snap!

Rough Day

You know your day is going to be wonderful when your 4 year old "can't sleep" until 2:00am and then you wake up at 5:30 to the sound of gagging and throwing up. It's great! The good news is, the culprit was sinus drainage and not a virus or something icky like that. Now, if I can just get the drainage dried up for her soon, we'll be alright.

On top of that, I received a letter in the mail today from the University of Texas at Austin saying that I have a $25 parking citation. I've never, in my life, been to Austin and I don't drive a gray Honda! So, I've been on the phone trying to straighten that out and haven't really gotten much closer to getting it done. When it rains, it pours!!

I Don't Get It

I was reading an article on Yahoo about the punishments given to parents who accidentally leave their children to die in hot cars. I just don't understand. How can a sane parent get so distracted that they forget that their child is in the backseat of their car??? That makes no sense to me. I'm probably one of the most forgetful people in the world and, yet, when I get out of a car, I never space out so far that my daughter slips my mind. Even IF (and that's a big IF) I forgot to get her out of the car, would it not occur to me that my house was oddly quiet before she had time to die in the car??? I'm not sure I can show any sympathy to these parents. I'd better get my flame-retardant suit on, but I'm not sure that a parent who loves their kids can just "forget" to get them out of the car. I mean, I'm not "mother-of-the-year" material, but there are very few moments of my life when my daughter isn't the foremost thing on my brain and to think of "accidentally" forgetting about her and leaving her in a sweltering hot car for 7 hours or longer to die is just insane!