There is nothing more depressing than having a goal and no idea how to make it attainable. I find myself hard pressed to come up with anything more annoying. I know exactly WHAT I want, I just lack the plan of action to make it happen. I want to own a house and one would think that, at 31, I would be closer to that goal than I am. I want to finish school. I went for three years, and it disgusts me to think that I stopped so short. In my defense, I was enrolled for fall of 2002, until I discovered that I would be lying in a delivery room shortly after the semester started. I felt at the time, that something else on my plate would interfere with my ability to be a new mom, so I decided not to go. I have been accepted to three different schools in three different states in the last 6 years or so, but have yet to actually set foot on a campus. I really dont know if its out of fear or indecisiveness, because I have no idea what I want to do.
Above all, I have a 7 year old daughter who needs to know that, no matter what happens, she will be taken care of. Where would my sister and I have been if my mom had been the breadwinner back in 1990? Luckily, my father had always been the one with the job, so we werent a financial mess after her death (not any more so than we had always been, anyway). My point is, I am unskilled and uneducated. If Greg died today, or up and left for some reason, Alyssa and I would be SOOO screwed. I can no longer be that dependent. I have to know that I am capable of supporting myself and my daughter should something happen to my husband. So, from now on, my focus is on that...bettering myself so that I no longer have to fear the future. Now, all I need is a plan.....
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